Two Things I Wish I'd Known About Stuttering When I Was Younger

[ Contents | Search | Next | Previous | Up ]


Re: Inspiring!!!

From: Alan (to Ainslie)
Date: 22 Oct 2007
Time: 03:28:21 -0500
Remote Name: 195.194.75.225

Comments

Hi Ainslie, Thank you for your generous comments. You asked, “How long did it take you to change the way you perceived your disfluency”. That’s a difficult question, bearing in mind that I am a little ‘longer in the tooth’ than many other persons who stutter. ;-) My perception changed at various times in my life. When I was at school, it created difficulties and frustration because I was never able to participate fully in class. What I mean by that is that I never asked, nor responded to, questions for fear of appearing foolish. On many occasions, I wanted to contribute (because I felt I had something useful to say), but I refrained from speaking. At the age of 19 years, I made an important decision influenced by the fact that I stuttered. I knew that I could take a relatively easy passage through life by seeking employment that did not require a great deal of speaking, or avoiding social interaction. But that was not the path that I wished to tread. I realised that I needed to confront my fears – and so I applied to join the Police Service. I experienced immense difficulties, particularly while giving evidence in court. As a result, I was removed from operational duties and transferred to an administrative role, away from the public contact that I desired. I was denied promotion because of my stutter, thereby causing me to perceive it as a barrier to my career advancement. Several years later, I acquired a (now obsolete) mechanical device called the ‘Edinburgh Masker’ (Masked Auditory Feedback - MAF) that blocked out the sound of my voice. Every time I spoke, I heard a loud buzzing sound. After a few years, I persuaded my employers to allow me to return to operational duties, although I still encountered difficulties. The machine helped, but never made me fluent. It gave me the confidence to venture into situations that I would otherwise have avoided. Consequently, I acquired useful interpersonal and communication skills, which (understandably) many PWS do not develop. However, I still retained many of the self-limiting beliefs concerning my perceived ability to speak in certain situations. When I was involved in a road traffic accident several years later, my injuries prevented me from wearing the Edinburgh Masker. My speech deteriorated considerably – once again I perceived it in a negative light. You then asked, “Did anything life-changing happen to cause you to think differently about your disfluency?”. Yes, most certainly! In 2000, everything changed when I joined a programme that advocated approaching stuttering holistically. In the first instance, I was provided with a technique (and tools) that enabled me to overcome speech blocks and ‘difficult’ words. For the first time in my life, I gained an understanding about the psychological and physiological aspects of stuttering, while also learning how to deal with fear by assertiveness and non-avoidance. The Programme encouraged self-acceptance, by the use of greater openness and voluntary/pseudo stuttering. Revealing my ‘darkest secret’ to complete strangers completely changed my perception of what I had, hitherto, believed others thought about my stutter. I found that they were genuinely interested in what I had to say. The Programme provided support 24/7 and (inter alia) encouraged me to continuously expand my comfort zones and challenge myself. It also afforded me numerous opportunities to speak in front of others, thereby enabling me to become empowered. My perception continued to change positively, as I demonstrated to myself that I was capable of doing things that I previously felt lay outside my scope. As a result, I changed my stuttering mindset, by challenging my self-limiting beliefs and widening my self-image to accommodate new roles. Today, I do not consider stuttering to be an issue for me. Ainslie, you may wish to consider reading my earlier responses to others who have participated in this threaded discussion? I feel that you will gain a better understanding of how I changed the direction of my life. Simply click on ‘contents’ and scroll up or down. I am most grateful to you for taking the time to read my paper. I wish you every success in the future. Kindest regards Alan


Last changed: 10/22/07