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From: Judy
Date: 05 Oct 2007
Time: 13:04:46 -0500
Remote Name: 70.22.163.191
Vincent, Thank you for your question. :) Stress is something we need to learn to manage over a life time, so, congratualations for recognizing it as an issue for you! You have discovered the ability to step back and observe yourself and realize that stress is not inherently who you are as a person. Stress, as well as other emotional responses, are entities that we can learn about and manage so that we can get on with living. Stress management is so universal that it is a popular topic of easy to read paperback books. I recommend "Fighting Invisible Tigers: A Stress Management Guide for Teens" by Earl Hipp (1995). No matter what your age, I find books written for children and teens can get right to the point and are easy to read. Two additional things to consider are 1.) are you a highly sensitive person with quick, strong emotional reactions and/or 2.) is your stress specifically about stuttering? There is an article in this conference about Emotional Intelligence and Stuttering that might help with the first question. Russ Hicks' article, "How bad do you stutter?" might help with the second question. Consider digging into these articles (and others in this conference) for the few jewels of information that are just right for you. Here are my personal reflections: 1. Keeping looking for options to choose from. My one or two suggestions may not be right for you, but, they will be 2 choices to add to your collection of possible actions. 2. Pretend you are your own best friend or your own personal coach. What would your best friend/personal coach advise you to do? Sometimes 'We have found the enemy and he is us.' That is, you may shy away from entering a situation that will cause you stress and let yourself get away with it. But, if you step back a moment (which you have discovered how to do) and pretend you are your own coach, then you can be accountable to your best self. You can push yourself to act in ways that will test your stress management skills and thereby develop them. You will experience some success and feel some failure and the best friend/coach inside your head will always be encouraging. 3. Prepare for expectations. Some of your stress may be related to the demands of the situtation you are anticipating. Maybe you are trying to enter a new situation and you don't know how to behave or what to say until you have spent some time in that setting. Give yourself a break! Don't expect too much of yourself at first until you know the lay of the land. As you get more familiar with things, you will feel more safe and less stressed and become willing to risk behaviors that create small amounts of stress in yourself. Or, maybe you are thinking about situations in which the expectations are clear and you don't think you can accomplish them. Certainly this is a big worry for people who stutter when they agonize over how listeners will respond to their stuttering. People who stutter have every right to feel this way. So, one thing to do is prepare for what you will say/do to different listener responses. Another thing you can do is practice in somewhat articficial speaking situations that you create yourself. Learn about hierarchies and desensitization to tackle this choice. 4. Know how to measure your progess in small (tiny) steps so that you will appreciate your successes. Success will keep you motivated. 5. Respect your learning style. I am someone who learns alot from reading. Whenever I have questions, I surf the internet or I buy a used book from Amazon.com. However, others prefer conversation and therefore attend support group meetings or chat on-line with people who have similar issues. I encourage you to visit the stutteringhomepage, the National Stuttering Association (www.westutter.org), and Friends(www.friendswhostutter.org) to find local and national group support. I know what it is like to feel stress. I have experienced panic and it is not fun. Learning about panic and stress made a big differencefor me. Now when I personally feel light headed and weak in the legs, I know I am not about to die. I slow way, way down and I take moderate slow breaths and I wait for the feeling to pass. I also get very red in the face, but, I haven't figured out how to combat that yet! I was in a very stressful meeting last month. It was in a conference room full of teachers and I was advocating for gifted education. I had been invited by the principal, so, that helped me feel like I had a right to be there. But, I felt completely like a fish out of water. This was a new role for me, I didn't know the teachers, and I wasn't sure what was going to happen in the meeeting. When the meeting was over, I knew that I had looked and acted nervous, but, I understood that just being there was a huge success for me. Good luck! You will succeed!