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From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 22 Oct 2007
Time: 15:19:26 -0500
Remote Name: 64.12.116.206
[[". . . Maybe it's me, but I have never totally "fixed" an adolescent who stutters. Do I not have the correct tools? Is this something they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives and that is the reason for providing them with strategies?"]] >>> Jen, You already have received some sound advice. At the risk of being a little redundant, I'd like to adress your belief you should be able to "fix" people because clinging to that unrealistic notion causes a lot of frustration and anger, which readily morphs into stress for both you and your and clients. Sometimes we want to help people so much that we want to make them trouble-free. And that desire increases if we happen to be therapists and feel judged on the basis of our ability to do that. But the reality is no matter how much we care, no matter how informed we are, no matter how skilled we are, we can not single-handedly change another into the person we would like them to be, which is a pretty good thing because other people may want to change us! (Smile.) I'm sure you get the picture, Jen. So what are we as therapists to do, especially with often taciturn adolescents for whom we feel responsible? --- The only thing we can: Help them help themselves, if they want to. And, if they don't seem to want to at a particular point in time, refrain from judging them. Encourage them to come (to you) when and if they wish or to another therapist now or later on. The fact is we can all change what we think and do throughout our lives as long as we are in good health. And, while its true that the older we get, the harder it is, changing our beliefs to accomodate healthy growth and learning new skills to replace troublesome behaviors can be an exciting life-long adventure. >>> So, Jen, be easy on your self. As the caring, responsible person you seem to be, ease-up on yourself. See the strengths you bring to therapy, and rejoice in your passion for wanting to help others. Replacing judgment with self-acceptance can rub-off on the students you encounter, and, teach them a great deal. Best. Sincerely, Ellen-Marie Silverman