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From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 05 Oct 2007
Time: 06:24:46 -0500
Remote Name: 205.188.116.79
[["I am interested in the concept of wanting to change but afraid to change at the same time. As an older adult( in my late 40's) covert stutterer I choose, for the first time in my life, to seek speech therapy. One of my biggest fears was that I would change, which is what I wanted, and that I would not like the person I would become. Do you think that the fear of change for a stutterer comes from their reluctance to change( better to be safe in what you know) or their fear that as they change how they relate to family, friends etc will change and they will have to re-evaluate those relationships and the impact of this may be enormous? Any thoughts Veroncia"]] Veronica, Liking yourself as you are is the best insurance that you will like yourself when you transition from stuttering covertly to stuttering openly and becoming more fluent in general. So many people, not nessicarily those who have stuttering problems, believe they will be happy if they own a more luxurious car, live in a larger home, earn a college degree, if, if, if. . . The reality is that if we aren't happy as we are, we won't become happy by changing how we are. We might feel elated, victorious, or, even, smug if we work to bring about personal changes we say we desire, but those feelings of accomplishment do not bring lasting happiness because they do not, of themselves, bring personal acceptance. So, we all benefit from doing what we need to do to achieve self-acceptance if we seek happiness. As we change our internal circumstances, our external ones change correspondingly. >>> Sometimes we especially benefit from the comfort, direction, and support of people around us. You apparently decided on working with a speech-language pathologist to help you free yourself from the personal limitation you felt as you worked to hide your stuttering. It may be as you move more deeply into the change process speech therapy affords that you may benefit from the help of other professionals and individuals who may help you develop communication skills that you have not yet developed as fully as you would like them to be to support your new way of speaking. Family relationships may need to be re-worked as you continue to change, and you may benefit from seeking advice from clergy or other counselors if that is so. >>> Congratulations on making the effort to become more like you wish to be and all best wishes. Remember, although you are advancing on your own life's journey, you are not alone. Many others have embarked on their own and are available to offer encouragement, support, and advice. But, always the deicision about what you do and how and when you do it is yours alone. Best, Ellen-Marie Silverman