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From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 08 Oct 2007
Time: 11:14:28 -0500
Remote Name: 205.188.117.16
[[ . . .Yes, we all (?) desire change but change for some/most is difficult or seems impossible. To change is to give up the past that blocks the future--to stop blaming the past (ourselves or others for 'who' we are) , to let go, to take the risk. But, (always that 'but', eh?) it is very difficult to balance parent's love (the showing of love) with the support of a child's/adolescent's desire to make change. . . .]] >>> Hello, Janet. Nice to hear from you. As ususal your comments and questions help me see issues more clearly. >>> As I write this, a plumber is working hard to clear a section of drainage pipe that runs from my home to the village sewer main. It seems that over the years, my 60+ year-old home sewer plumbing has been reamed out time and time-again but not completely, and sludge has compacted just at the outer perimeter. Hopefully, in an hour or two the pipes will be flowing freely and will no longer back-up into my basement, at least for a decade or more. This strikes me as an analogy for changes I worked for personally. Because to be free and flowing, you need to move all the waste all the way out! I think you get the picture. >>> I have heard American-born teachers of Tibetan Buddhism comment about how hard we Westerners are on ourselves as we deliberately change. We are more likely to berate ourselves as we identify the things about ourselves we need/want to change than to congratulate ourselves for having noticed them so we can do something about them. For us, Westerners change we choose to make puts us into a process that we generally find painful and difficult until we learn to reframe what is involved with kindness and warmth toward oursleves for undertaking the process and seeing it through. That means applying loads of patience. Saint Frances DeSales reported counseled those who came to him for adivce about making personal changes by saying, "What is required is a cup of love, a barrel of understanding, and an ocean of patience." And, as you suggested, foregiveness of ourselves and others also contributes to our successful changes. >>> Parental love and Change. If parents truly love their children, they will support them to make the changes that are in their child's best interest. We can help them see that. But, sometimes, a counselor needs to be involved as well. >>> Janet, I know I have only made a small dent in what you would like to discuss, but I hope this dent, like the bit the plumber is using right now to loosen the clog in my home's drain pipe will help open things up a bit more for you and those, thanks to your comments and questions, who read this. My best, Ellen-Marie