Creating Conditions for Change

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Re: There is a natural reluctance to change

From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 16 Oct 2007
Time: 06:23:57 -0500
Remote Name: 64.12.117.18

Comments

[["...Many clients will (quite naturally) be averse to change, preferring the tried and tested status quo. How do you overcome their reluctance? Do you encourage them by explaining the accompanying benefits?"]] >>> Hello, Alan, Indeed, most of us behave like the proverbial frog dropped into a kettle of lukewarm water who remains in the kettle as the temperature of the water is slowly, almost imperceptively, increased until it reaches the point of boiling, by which time we are almost cooked and too weak to escape. >>> We accomodate to our circumstances rather than changing what we do because we prefer the assumed safety of the known over the presumed danger of the unknown. We restrict our relationships to those of others of our "kind." We hold on to jobs we dislike that even may be killing us because of the benefits that come with them. We maintain our affiliations with religious/spiritual communities because we are afraind of damnation members say we will experience if we abandon them, those who fiercely claim our allegiance. Well, you are a good example of a person who challenges all those notions about how to live an authentic life. Because of your inspiring actions, you, no doubt, have and are continuing to inspire others to live full lives of their own. >>> You asked how I work with those adults, the majority in my experience, who claim to want to change the way they speak and communicate yet do little of what is asked by me, the therapist, to accomplish that. If, after our initial discussion of the importance of working together to accomplish mutually agreed upon personal communication goals of theirs, they make no effort to complete tasks designed to get them there, we quickly have another discussion about the necessity of their participation, since I do not brandish a magic wand to dispense cures. If that does not change within a week or so, then, as I have explained to them, therapy will be terminated for the present and until such time as they are willing to do what they need to do to achieve their goals. This may sound harsh, but I think it is helpful in the long run. Therapy is available to help people change. If someone is unwilling or unable to change, then therapy is not the place to be. Encouraging someone to continue in a program of therapy where no measurable change is made or appears likely to be made to not hurt their feelings only inculcates anger for themselves and the process, ironically, because they fail to experience change. Such continuance diminishes the possibility that desired change might be achieved at a later date. So, I'm a bit of a hard nose because I've found this particular form of honesty is necessary in the therapy arena. I probably should add that I don't present this point-of-view to clients as a pugilist but as the caring person I believe I am. >>> Nice to hear from you, Alan.


Last changed: 10/22/07