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From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 20 Oct 2007
Time: 11:06:53 -0500
Remote Name: 64.12.117.65
[[" . . What are some ways to help people to accept their stuttering? How can caregivers know when to put a child into therapy even if the child does not mind their stutter? How many people who feel that they have a control over their stuttering have high self esteems? How many people who feel that they do not have control over their sutter have low self esteems?"]] >>> Bess, Let's consider the subject of self-acceptance for a bit. Too many of us, when we want to change something about ourselves, attack what we believe are our flaws, which we steel ourselves against and vow (silently) to defeat. We rarely look at and consider what the Zen Buddhist meditation master, Thich Nhat Hanh, refers to as "what is right with you." We only see ourselves as defective. Thich Nhat Hanh convincingly (for me) shows how first seeing all that is right with us, even while we may be blowing about in some personal storm, allows us to accept ourselves as basically strong, vigorous, and capable. When we recognize that is true, we can see our stuttering problem in perspective such that we can work on it with the freedom detachment brings to effectively absorb both our inevitable advances and setbacks during what can be a lenghty process. We patiently and persistently work with ourselves rather than fight our stuttering. So, I'd like you to consider that to accept our stuttering problem we first need to accept ourselves as the being we are. And that includes differntiating who we are from what we may do out of habit or ignorance of a better way to do it. >>> People who committ to achieving self-mastery ordinarily achieve healthy self-esteem. A book that may help you appreciate the process of self-mastery is one I have found helpful. A slim, practical volune, it is entitled, "Ruling Your World" by Sakyong Mipham. >>> Enrolling a child in therapy may not have to involve placing the child in direct therapy. There are therapists, and I am one, who generally prefer to work through the parents to help the child become a skillful communicator. If the child struggles to speak fluently or shies away from speaking, that may be the occasion for direct intervention. At such time, helping the child appreciate his/her existing strengths and skills while teaching less effortful ways of stuttering would be the overall approach I would use. I would use every resource available to me to help ensure the child receiving direct treatment feels good about himself/herself as a speaker and as an individual. >>> Best wishes, Ellen-Marie Silverman