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From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 02 Oct 2008
Time: 18:35:42 -0500
Remote Name: 205.188.117.78
[[My question for you is, at what point did you realize that this happily ever after came from acceptance? And how would you suggest that a graduate clinician explain this happily ever after or do you believe that it takes coming to a certain point in your life to realize that a happily ever after exists?]] Thank you for your comments, Heather. To address your questions, let me start by saying that it took me quite a while before I realized that it was what I did and what I thought that would lead to being happy. All the blaming, all the self-pity when I wasn't given what I wanted never got me what I wanted. That only made me more unhappy. Finally, (I think I'm a bit of a slow learner, but I guess that really doesn't matter because I AM learning), I realized if I just railed against what I didn't like, I just got more of what I didn't like, i.e., more unhappiness. So, accepting what is, working skillfully with myself and the circumstances around me, was the way I became happier. Running from what is or denying the realities leads to suffering. So, my first insight learned from traveling on The Path of Happiness was surrender to what is. The second is work to change what I can change. And the third is do no harm to myself or anyone else. That is how I walk The Path. And, it is a path to be walked step-by-step. How long it takes to reach the destination of living happily day-by-day, accomodating all of life's up's and down's, while maintaining a calm, incisive mind fully engaged with life varies. We are all walking our own paths. For most, that consists of many steps. Few immediately transport themselves from square one to the destination. So, the important thing is to engage each day with a plan, map, if you will, that reminds us where we are headed and what we need to bring with us to help assure we arrive. Of course, there is always the unexpected to misdirect or hinder us in some way. At those times, facing what is before us squarely and dealing with the circumstances using our best knowledge and skill, we move on in a way and at a time that is safe and sure. >>> Well, I've gotten a little philosophical, but, hopefully, you follow what I'm sharing: Our happiness is up to us. How we make that happen is through clear recognition of what we are facing and what we have to bring to the task as well as our diligence, courage, and patience to do what we have to do. And it helps greatly, if we do this, to release any anxiety we may have been holding about whether and when we will succeed. >>> Heather, I hope these thoughts provide you with something to think about. Best wishes, Ellen-Marie Silverman