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From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 19 Oct 2008
Time: 08:18:16 -0500
Remote Name: 64.12.117.17
Anna, no doubt about it now matter where we are born, when we are born, to whom we are born, we all strive to be happy. And, no doubt about it, many of us discover much of what we have done to be happy ultimately is whaat has made us suffer, and we feel sad, ashamed, and cynical by what we consider the irony of it all. So, what should we do? Is it ever too late to change? From my perspective, we can do two things that will guarantee us the results we actually seek, although the timetable is uncertain: Control our minds to be more mindful so we think the thoughts and live in ways that lead us to where we want to be and Be kind to ourselves and others. It is never too late to start, although if we come to the realization you did as an adult, and as I did as a middle-aged adult, our delight at the discovery that we have the power to create our own happiness may become almost immediately erased by feelings of anger and, maybe, shame that we have caused our own unhappiness. Then, too, we may feel it is too much for us as adults to change our well-established ways. That thought is the first and biggest obstacle we need to overcome. We can either grow increasingly unhappy continuing in our familiar ways or we can grow increasingly happy changing our ways. The choice, from my perspective, was a no-brainer. By the way, as we become happier, I have notied people around us will, too. And that will also increase our happiness. Well, all that is almost simplistic, but, from my experience, it is true. And, in a nutshell, that is what adults who have stuttering problems face, i.e., the decision to keep doing the same familiar things or to think and behave differently. I presented a paper entitled, Shenpa, Stuttering, and Me at the 2005 ISAD Online Conference which outlines a 4-step approach for adults to use to help manage their stuttering problems. It is available to read online by accessing The Stuttering Homepage where you can also read the posts made to the paper and my replies to them. You may find it helpful to read the paper. In the meantime, take comfort in the wonderful discovery you have made that we alone have the power to determine whether or not we are happy and that with effort and consistency you, like others, can take the steps to achieve happiness and, by so doing, enrich the lives of those around you simply by being with them. Best Wishes, Ellen-Marie