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From: Alan Badmington (to Rebecca)
Date: 09 Oct 2009
Time: 16:27:56 -0500
Remote Name: 90.240.169.66
Hi Rebecca, Thank you for providing feedback to my paper. I'm sorry that it has taken me a few days to respond. I avoided speaking about my stutter for most of my life. Where possible, I tried to be covert – aided by extensive use of avoidance strategies, particularly word substitution. However, on those occasions when I could not avoid, or I encountered challenging situations, I stuttered quite severely. Realistically, I could not hope to conceal the fact that I stuttered; many people were well aware of my difficulties. Nevertheless, I didn’t enjoy discussing it with others. At the time, I was totally oblivious to the immense implications of avoidance. I did not realise that every time I avoided a word, letter, sound or situation, the fear level increased. Those words, letters, sounds and situations gained a greater emotional charge – thereby leading to further avoidances. My desire to hide my darkest secret came with a price. Every waking hour, I focussed on how not to stutter. I expended so much effort and energy – I was constantly on edge when in unfamiliar company. In 2000, the direction of my life changed when I embarked upon a new approach via a stuttering management programme. Firstly, I adopted a zero-tolerance strategy to avoidance. I made a pact with myself that I would never again succumb to avoidance. I was determined to say whatever words I wished (and undertake any speaking situation), irrespective of the outcome. When one abandons the protection of word substitution, there will, undoubtedly, be occasions when one’s dysfluency becomes more obvious to your listener. That’s not surprising because you are using words that you have shunned (at all costs) over a period of years. My new techniques and tools gave me the confidence to counter my avoidances – without them, I know that I would not have been so successful. In the past nine years, I have not avoided one word, one letter, one sound, or one situation. Avoidance is a thing of the past. In addition, I practised some pseudo-stuttering (also known as voluntary stuttering) to purposely advertise that I was not a fluent person. When our listeners are aware of our propensity to stutter, they are less likely to express surprise (or react unexpectedly) should we happen to block or display secondary behaviours. This removed a heavy weight from my shoulders. My new approach also involved speaking to complete strangers about my stutter – in the street, at airports, on planes, in stores – in fact, anywhere. :-) I also commenced an extensive series of talks to community organisations in an attempt to create a greater public awareness about stuttering. I subjected myself to television, radio and newspaper interviews, revealing how stuttering had adversely affected my life and career. Speaking so openly about my darkest secrets had a hugely desensitizing effect. Incidentally, it has been my experience that people are genuinely interested in learning more about stuttering – I am inundated with requests to give presentations. I earnestly believe that it is to our mutual advantage to apprise others about what it is like to be a person who stutters. Many in the diverse audiences that I address tell me that (prior to hearing my talk) they were totally unaware of just how much stuttering can impact upon someone’s life. Is it really surprising that they have such a limited understanding of the difficulties that we face? Even some of our own family members and friends do not know how to react when we suddenly block, or display secondary behaviours. Having personally encountered several thousand persons who stutter during the past nine years, I have found that many appear to allow perfectionism to oversee their speech. I used to have such a trait. I thought about my speech at all times of the day – it totally consumed me. I didn’t want to be heard stuttering. However, when I decided to change the direction of my life in 2000, I initially strived for self-acceptance, as well as working on other aspects of my life. l learned to love/like myself, irrespective of any blemishes or imperfections (whether real or perceived). As I mentioned in one of my earlier responses, we should never be dependent upon the approval/approbation of others. Our self-esteem should come from within. What others say about you is merely their opinion – it may not even have any foundation. What we feel about ourselves is much more important. It has far greater impact upon us than the comments of others. Today, my levels of self-acceptance, self-confidence, self-efficacy and self-esteem are such that I am totally unconcerned about what others think about the way in which I speak. What they think is none of MY business. It is their prerogative to pass judgement – it is my prerogative not to care a hoot. :-) Thank you, once again, for taking part in the threaded discussion. Kindest regards Alan