How Beliefs and Self-Image Can Influence Stuttering

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Re: Increasing Confidence

From: Alan (to Brooke)
Date: 21 Oct 2009
Time: 18:00:42 -0500
Remote Name: 84.68.67.181

Comments

Hi Brooke, Thank you for taking the time to read my article and participate in the threaded discussion. Can I assume from the nature of your comments that your brother is happy to discuss his stuttering with you? If so, that’s great. Many PWS do not feel at ease speaking about their situation. It’s only during recent years that I have adopted a policy of openness. It has had a hugely desensitizing effect – I no longer feel any shame or embarrassment. (I will return to this point later in my reply). You don’t mention your brother’s age. Had I been aware of that fact, I could have tailored my response accordingly. My comments will, therefore, be of a general nature. You mention that he has acquired tools, but what has he done with them? If he is living the same lifestyle that he followed prior to acquiring those tools, then they will be of limited value only. It is not uncommon for clients to speak well in a clinical environment, due to the new tools/technique that they have been given; the relationship that they develop with the SLP; and the non-threatening environment. In effect, it can become a comfort zone. During my initial 4-day course (facilitated by the stuttering management program whose services I enlisted), I was afforded numerous opportunities to speak in front of large groups, and undertake numerous other roles, with a great deal of success. I gained hugely in confidence and started believing that I could speak well in that supportive environment. However, I suspected (from past unsuccessful therapies) that it might be difficult to transfer those gains into the real world. I still had fears of ordering at a McDonalds drive-thru; I still feared using the telephone; and I still feared speaking in front of groups of people with whom I was not familiar. They don’t disappear overnight. The programme also provided me with opportunities to speak to members of the public, whilst accompanied (and supported) by persons who had previously passed through the programme. I found that more challenging, as there were still elements of fear present, but I still enjoyed considerable success. I relished having spoken well in a multitude of different situations – I wanted more of the same. :-) I was seeing a different side of me – I was discovering a wide array of talents and abilities that I never realised I possessed. These experiences demonstrated to me that I was capable of so much more than I had previously believed. I knew that I had to change my belief system to permanently incorporate these new roles. I also had role models in abundance. On my first course, there were more than 100 people in the room – the majority of whom were returning for the second, third, fourth, fifth (and more) times. That’s the way the system operates – they come back to assist the new clients. There was a huge degree of camaraderie and a health friendly competitive rivalry. Many had made immense progress - I wanted to emulate their achievements. I also came into contact with these role models at subsequent courses/support groups and via an international telephone support network. As I mentioned in my article, I practised extensive word substitution throughout my life. I avoided using 13 letters of the alphabet. It involved so much effort and energy. But every time I avoided a letter/word, the fear level in respect of that letter/word increased. But as we know, there are times when you can’t avoid – you have to say a particular word; you have to speak in a particular situation. When that happened, my fear levels were so high that I stuttered severely. In 2000 (when I joined the stuttering management program) I decided to adopt a zero-tolerance attitude to all avoidance strategies. I was determined to say whatever word I wanted to say; I was determined to speak in situations that I had previously avoided. I simply wanted to free myself from the shackles that restrained me – I wanted greater freedom. Firstly, I purposely introduced several of my ‘feared words’ into my routine speech throughout the day. I said them when the pressure was off – I said them when it wasn’t essential for me to say them. In other words, I became pro-active, as opposed to being re-active. Fortunately, I had a new speaking technique and tools that made it easier for me to say those words in other environments. It felt strange saying words that I had always avoided but it gave me a great deal of satisfaction to utter the vocabulary of my choice. I was no longer allowing my fear to influence my selection of words. I was saying the most appropriate words, rather than settling for words that I believed were easier to say. Every time I said one of my challenging words, the following message was transmitted to my subconscious, “Hey Alan, you’ve just said ‘Son’; you’ve just said ‘Pen’ etc”. For so many years, the message had been “You can’t say ‘Son’; you can’t say ‘Pen’ etc”. These positive experiences helped to reduce my anticipatory fear because I had evidence that I could, after all, say those (and other) words. I then progressed to challenging myself in more demanding situations. In addition, I practised the technique known as creative visualization. As my paper explains (under the heading ‘Internal Images’), I created internal movies that depicted me speaking in the manner (and location/situation) of my choice. I visualized myself saying those words successfully, thereby duping my subconscious into believing that it had actually happened in real life. In time, my anticipatory fear totally dissipated. I challenged my self-limiting beliefs and widened my narrow self-image by doing the things I believed I could not do. I expanded my comfort zones to incorporate words, sounds, situations and roles that I, hitherto, believed lay outside my scope. When you conquer something that has challenged your advancement, it causes you to reconsider your disempowering beliefs. When you overcome hurdles, it opens your eyes to possibilities that you could never have imagined. As I mentioned earlier, I avoided speaking about my stutter for most of my life. Where possible, I tried to be covert – aided by extensive use of avoidance strategies, particularly word substitution. However, on those occasions when I could not avoid, or I encountered challenging situations, I stuttered quite severely. Realistically, I could not hope to conceal the fact that I stuttered; many people were well aware of my difficulties. Nevertheless, I didn’t enjoy discussing it with others. My desire to hide my darkest secret came with a price. Every waking hour, I focused on how not to stutter. I expended so much effort and energy – I was constantly on edge when in unfamiliar company management programme. I made a pact with myself that I would never again succumb to avoidance. I was determined to say whatever words I wished (and undertake any speaking situation), irrespective of the outcome. When one abandons the protection of word substitution, there will, undoubtedly, be occasions when one’s dysfluency becomes more obvious to your listener. That’s not surprising because you are using words that you have shunned (at all costs) over a period of years. My new techniques and tools gave me the confidence to counter my avoidances – without them, I know that I would not have been so successful. In the past nine years, I have not avoided one word, one letter, one sound, or one situation. Avoidance is a thing of the past. In addition, I practised some pseudo-stuttering (also known as voluntary stuttering) to purposely advertise that I was not a fluent person. When our listeners are aware of our propensity to stutter, they are less likely to express surprise (or react unexpectedly) should we happen to block or display secondary behaviours. This removed a heavy weight from my shoulders. My new approach also involved speaking to complete strangers about my stutter – in the street, at airports, on planes, in stores – in fact, anywhere. :-) Good self-esteem is so important to children and adults, whether or not they stutter. The way in which children feel about themselves shapes their development and will, eventually, influence how they live their lives as adults. The roles of parents, family members and teachers are of prime importance. What exactly is self-esteem? I suppose you could describe it as a measurement of how we perceive ourselves; an estimation or rating of our self-worth. Children who feel inadequate or unaccepted (because of the way in which they speak) are unlikely to have high self-esteem. People with low self-esteem often have a distorted picture of who they are. They tend to overlook their strengths and inflate their weaknesses. Conversely, high self-esteem can be very empowering, providing us with self-efficacy to deal with life’s challenges. If I were raising (or closely related to) a child who stuttered, I would attempt to create a positive self-image by ensuring that he/she was not excluded from everyday happenings and social activities. Although I would keep a close watching brief upon the situation, I would take care not to be over-protective and speak on the child’s behalf. I would encourage him/her to (as far as humanly possible) assume responsibility for his/her own speaking challenges - arranging for appropriate advice/guidance to be given to teachers and other parties, whenever necessary. I would certainly not shield the child from the outside world. I think it is important that a child who stutters lives as normal a life as possible. It has been my experience that many adult PWS lack good inter-personal/communication skills. This is not surprising if such persons have remained on the fringes of conversation throughout their lives. I have witnessed some PWS being given a greater degree of fluency, yet (initially) they are unable to communicate effectively with others because they lack the ability to conduct a meaningful conversation. There is no suggestion that they are unintelligent – they simply have not developed the art of conversation which most people take for granted. I would certainly encourage a child to participate in a wide range of activities/interests. I feel that this would broaden his/her horizons; afford opportunities for social interaction; and demonstrate that levels of ability/competency differ from person to person. Hopefully, such exposure would lead to an increase in his/her levels of confidence and self-esteem. Brooke, I really can’t write much more about this subject as my time is becoming very limited. I feel that you (and your brother) could glean some additional information by reading some of my other online articles: (1)STUTTERING IS NOT JUST A SPEECH PROBLEM http://www.mnsu.edu/comdis/kuster/Infostuttering/badmington.pdf (2)STEP OUTSIDE: Why expanding comfort zones can improve our stuttering and lead to more fulfilling lives http://www.mnsu.edu/comdis/isad6/papers/badmington6.html (3) CHANGING THE WORDS AROUND - This poem explains the implications of avoidance and word substitution. http://www.mnsu.edu/comdis/isad7/papers/badmington7/badmington17.html (4) Poem 2: EVERYONE'S DIFFERENT - I wrote this poem to help children gain a better understanding that everyone (not just those who stutter) is unique. http://www.mnsu.edu/comdis/isad7/papers/badmington7/badmington27.html (5) IT'S GOOD TO TALK ABOUT IT - This article is intended to encourage persons who stutter to talk more openly about their difficulties. http://www.mnsu.edu/comdis/isad7/papers/bridgebuilders7/alan7.html Please consider sharing some of my articles/comments with your brother - providing, of course, that you enjoy that kind of relationship. He may feel that some of the points I have listed are applicable to his personal circumstances. On the other hand, he may not be interested - we are all different. Whatever happens, I know that you will give your brother every encouragement and support. I wish you every success with your efforts to assist him and with your studies. Kindest regards Alan


Last changed: 10/21/09