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From: Lynne Shields
Date: 11 Oct 2009
Time: 12:41:23 -0500
Remote Name: 76.215.118.209
Hi Pam, You say that you are disappointed in yourself for apologizing. If I were working with you, I'd be interested in exploring with you what is behind your apologies. Are you apologizing because you feel that your stuttering is bothersome to others? That it takes 'too much talking time'?--I often wonder how much time is too much time, really. If the apologies are in any way connected to your feeling badly about your stuttering or guilty for 'inflicting' your speech on others, then perhaps a change in how you respond may help you focus on your listener and your stuttering in a different way. For example, if you truly appreciate a listener waiting patiently while you finish your talking turn, what other types of responses might help you give you a more positive spin on the situation? Telling them 'thanks for waiting for me to finish', or, 'you're a good listener', rather than apologizing is the first thing that pops into my mind. That seems a more positive response, since you are showing appreciation for your listener, rather than showing discomfort with your stuttering. Certainly, there is no need for you say anything in such a situation, but it may be hard at first to not say anything if you have been in the habit of apologizing. Whatever you do or say, identifying the feelings that lead you to apologize, and then challenging yourself to modify those feelings in some way, may be beneficial in helping you reduce or eliminate apologizing for other than things for which one truly ought to apologize. Regards, Lynne