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From: Pam Mertz
Date: 29 Sep 2010
Time: 19:24:27 -0500
Remote Name: 67.248.218.106
Scott- thanks so much for sharing this very personal and cathartic story. Reading this, and actually imagining you telling this story, really hit home with me.(I have come to appreciate the power of "our stories"). I have stuttered since age 5, and I am in my forties now. I was extremely covert until 4 years ago. I have NEVER discussed stuttering with either parent. We have not been able to. One of my siblings has told me that my mom told her that she has always felt guilty, and felt my chronic stuttering was her fault, because she didn't stand up to my father and insist that I get speech therapy as a kid. He refused to allow me to go. I have always thought his refusal was because he was ashamed and embarrassed by having an "imperfect" child that allowing me to attend therapy would be admitting that imperfection, which would reflect poorly on him. So reading about this actually gave me much pause to think.I read this 3 times in fact. I think my mom has held on to this guilt for over 40 years. We have a hard time talking about anything substantial. And we can't seem to express emotion at all -no one in my family can. I do believe that some of that comes from always trying to deny the obvious and trying to push several elephants under a rug. Other family issues were also denied and handled covertly. I haven't had a real conversation in years about anything with my father. In typical covert style, a sibling shared with me that my dad told her, after hearing that I "came out" with my stuttering, that it was "about time". I do think my parents struggled with their version of ideal vs. actual, and maybe never said it, but as a child, I sure picked up on it. This personal story really has made me think. I wonder if I could ever have a conversation with my parents like you had. I am sure your honesty with a very personal subject is going to help a lot of people.