Dealing with Chronic Sorrow and the Loss of a "Fluent Child" (a personal story)

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Re: Parents

From: Scott Palasik
Date: 03 Oct 2010
Time: 22:03:37 -0500
Remote Name: 68.63.221.248

Comments

Sarah, Thank you again for sharing and I do appreciate your honesty. Like you, many people have thought I should allow others to fill in my sentences, change words, and basically "hide" my stuttering. One day I asked myself, "why do I have to hide who I am? Would they hide the color of their eyes? Would they hide their entire arm just because they have a bruise on their thumb? Why do I have to hide me?...I further throught to myself,"when I talk that is my time to talk, no one else's, so why would I want anyone to fill in my words, my thoughts. Would they like it if I filled in other their words?" I came to a final thought, "If people don't want to hear what I have to say (in the manner I have to say it, stuttering and all), they don't have to listen. There are many many people in this world who want to hear my thoughts (as crazy, weird, funny, or sad as they are)." Now what does that mean? It means people who stutter (you and I) are no different than any "fluent" person, we just take a little longer to get out what we want. Just because it takes longer doesn't mean our thoughts are any less valid or less important. It surely doesn't invite other's (who are fluent) to step over our thoughts. Filling in words only helps the person who is filling in the words, because they have may be feeling uncomfortable about stuttering. By filling in words people are trying to avoid uncomfortable feelings about a speaking situation because "silence" during speaking situations is "not comfortable". That uncomfortable feelings by the listener is not our problem. That is theirs, would we blame a person in a wheel chair for our thoughts about them? No! Stuttering is a piece of you as much as it is a piece of me. The only person who needs (I say need here for a reason) to accept our speech is us. We may not like it, however if we can "walk" with this as being a piece of us (a small piece), then we are on a good path. Final question for your Sarah, what makes you, you? What do you value? (e.g., I value being a compassionate person.) I ask this because I truly believe that if we can live life consistent with our values (our core) than life will fall into place. This takes time (a life time) however we can say that we lived life for us and true to us. To say "I lived MY life.", well that is something I am willing to do for a lifetime. That was a lot of rambling, and a lot philosophy too! I am sorry for that. I, well, I see and hear a lot you in me and I just wanted to share some thoughts. Take what you wish and leave what you don't like. I believe you will find your unique path and find your success. If you need anything, or just want to drop me a line please don't hesitate...scott.palasik@usm.edu. May you feel the warmth and coolness of life and everything in between. Scott


Last changed: 10/03/10