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From: Scott Palasik
Date: 11 Oct 2010
Time: 11:05:55 -0500
Remote Name: 131.95.172.211
Magen, Hi! Let me start by welcoming you to the field! You appear like "a person who values helping others" which is a wonderful value to have. I also wanted to that you for sharing some of your personal experiences with stuttering with your little brother and parents. Those experiences will be great assets to you as a therapist and I truly appreciate your willingness to share them here.... As for your questions, I think you kind of answered them with your statements, maybe without you knowing (great job!!!)...I'm going to quote you first and then explain, if you don't mind: "I know there is no one to blame, nor is it anyone's fault"... You can start there with parents. Explain to the them that it is natural to have feelings that stuttering may be their fault, sadness, being scared of what will happen... We can always "Validate" parent's thoughts because they are THEIR thoughts. Validating thoughts allows parents to share more and encourages them to think more about those thoughts and what "conflicts" them. Our job could be seen as providing honest education to them and allowing them the willingness to ask us anything (we don't have the answers and that is okay, no does, however we can share our knowledge and lead them to other sources of support: National Stuttering Association and the FRIENDS program. We can also try and encourage parents to be "flexible" in how they view their thoughts related to stuttering. By letting parents know that stuttering has so many unknowns (cause and cure) we can help them get through the "Fears" of the unknowns. We can help them with our honest and compassionate thoughts and let them know this: "Our thoughts are not cars, we can't 'fix' them, we can work them." Stuttering is not something we can aim to fix, it is something we work with, we can appreciate the client and their family and what they bring to the table... They bring fears, they bring hope, they bring sadness, they bring a certain level of education...We can appreciate what they bring and share what we bring...A great question asked by Kelly Wilson (2008) is are your clients sunsets or math problems?...The answer, a sunset... We can appreciate them (and parents), we don't have to "figure them out and solve them"... Honesty and compassion are two values (being an honest person and being a compassionate person) that can lead to effective communication with parents. That sounds vague, maybe, however can you think of a great conversation you have had in your life? Why was it great? Was it great because you and the other person fought and got angry or was it great because you both listened to each other (openly) and held compassion for each other, getting your point out honestly?.....You asked if my mom wishes I opened up sooner about my thoughts. She does, however the past is the past, we can only learn from it and try not to hold on to it. You also asked if I feel "cheated?" A great question by the way... No I don't feel cheated, I may have felt that in college and high school, however I try and live in the current moment and I can look back and appreciate all I have learned from my parents and life (learning comes in many form Magen, we can learn how to be, and learn how not to be, both are learning and both can be vital).....Thank you so much for your questions and I would love to hear more of your experiences and how your career evolves if you want to share...Have a great day!... Scott