Dealing with Chronic Sorrow and the Loss of a "Fluent Child" (a personal story)

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Support for Parents

From: Maria De Groot
Date: 16 Oct 2010
Time: 09:10:45 -0500
Remote Name: 99.156.214.173

Comments

Hi Scott, I would like to thank you for sharing your story. I am a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin Stevens Point and am going for my Communication Disorders Masters Degree. I am current enrolled in a fluency class and have been learning alot about stutter and the effects/emotions that go along with it. Your story has really made me think about the parents of a client who stutters. Up until now I have only thought about the challenges that the client faces but never thought much about the parent challenges. "My mother has expressed many thoughts, such as "maybe if we didn't tell you to 'stop and slow down' it would have helped" or saying, "I'm sorry I couldn't help you." I believe that the motivational factors of guilt, sadness, and the need to protect their children are dynamic and powerful elements that can lead parents to behaviors toward their children who stutter that may appear hurtful. However, perhaps the actions of parents come from a place of confusion and fear - confusion due to a lack of answers and fear that they did something wrong or that they were inadequate parents. These thoughts of fear, confusion, guilt, and sadness may perpetuate the nature of chronic sorrow for parents of children who stutter." These statements have really touched my and have really made me think about the parents differently. Parents need support too. I think most of the time the parents are even more in the dark than the child when it comes to stuttering because they can’t fully understand. Parents need to make sure they are really communicating with their child as well, making sure they are expressing how they feel and not holding things in. This can lead to many years of feeling guilty. I also believe that when it comes to supporting their child there is a fine line to be crossed. If the parent is being too involved and putting too much pressure on their child, their child may feel that they are too involved and being too pushy and may begin to resent their parents for these actions. Where do you draw the line?? When is too much support harmful that the child begins to resent his or her parents? Parents may also feel that they don’t want to harm their child so they don’t say anything in fear that if they do, their child may get mad at them for saying something or trying to help them. Open communication is key for something like this. Also parents being able to meet with other parents to discuss some of their feelings in a facilitated manner is something I could see being very beneficial. Again thank you for opening a door for me and getting me to think about not only the child who stutters but about his or her parents and other family members as well!


Last changed: 10/16/10