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From: Tim
Date: 01 Oct 2010
Time: 11:01:23 -0500
Remote Name: 82.1.124.242
Hi kevin, i really liked this quote, i'm going to keep it.. 'A change occurred however, when I was able to objectify stuttering as part of my physiological and psychological makeup and then accept whatever progress I was making at the time as just that "progress". Progress may have meant less stuttering on one day and less avoidance on another. Accepting these small steps as making a positive move along my own personal journey, and not focusing on the fact I was still stuttering, allowed me to see I was moving forward. This also allowed me to deal with the few steps backward that occurred.' If i am honest with myself i saw acceptance of my hard stuttering as failure and thought that it was kinda like Edison accepting the dark and not trying to find the right filament that will create the light. I wrote a poem on acceptance a while back, to try and make sense of it.. How can you accept something, that causes you pain? Stammering can keep me up at night, w-w-wondering...is there something wrong with my brain? Day after day i struggle and grapple, searching, looking to find, that elusive golden apple. I'm in a conflict of acceptance of self versus perfection, A constant state of reflection, analysis and correction. When all i really want is relaxed self-expression. I know deep down it's mad to think the latest fad will fix me, but like a faulty wire on a light, somedays i cry out to be fixed. But... maybe acceptance and improvement, are not mutually exclusive, not a contradiction at all, but a bitter sweet paradox. Maybe the elusive golden apple, is not so elusive after all, but on inspection, and change of perception, A toffee apple takes form.