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From: Lynne Shields
Date: 08 Oct 2010
Time: 16:13:00 -0500
Remote Name: 68.188.68.2
You ask a very good question. I think that, while it is important to focus on helping clients learn to celebrate their successes in general, it is absolutely imperative to do this for the person who looks at success as "all-or-nothing", who cannot see the small successes along the way. I think that developing hierarchies with such a client is critical. I draw a vertical line on a piece of paper and ask the client to write their end goal at the top and where they are now at the bottom. We spend time outlining some of the steps that it will take to get closer to the goal, and writing them in where the client believes those steps go on the line. I encourage them to choose a step very close to where they are right now, and decide what they will do to meet it, how they will know that they have completed that step, etc. When they meet the criterion they set (for example, to say 'hi' to one new person each day for three days), I ask them to tell me what they did and how it feels to have met that particular step, encouraging them to see this as a success. It may take awhile with the person who looks only to the end point, but over time, I think many can begin to see that it takes many small successes to build up to the end point. When a client is quite self-critical or demanding, I look for any small self-acknowledgment, and bring that up as a comment. For example, one of my clients was quite fond of agreeing that he had completed a step and then turning around to devalue himself He once told me, "I said 'hi' to one person each day for three days, but they weren't people who were threatening to me". I then said, "you decided that you were going to say 'hi' to one person per day, and you did that. I don't remember that you assigned yourself to do this with specific people, just three different people, so I see that you met your goal." I hope this is helpful. Thanks for bringing up this issue, which I'm sure many of us have experienced. Regards, Lynne