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From: Lynne Shields
Date: 13 Oct 2010
Time: 23:33:56 -0500
Remote Name: 76.215.118.209
Hi Andrea, I'm glad that the ideas in my nugget seem useful to you. Your question about how to help self-critical family members is an excellent one. I think the approach would need to vary depending on the person and their specific issues. I can give you a few examples of ways I may try to facilitate a parent 'take credit' the ways they are able to support their child. Something that I am making an effort to do more frequently with all of my parents (regardless of their child's disorder) is to verbally acknowledge the things I see them do that facilitate their child's growth. For example, "I noticed that you waited for John to finish what he was saying. You are giving him time to speak for himself". I suspect that this mom may not have viewed her patience with her child as a positive support relative to his stuttering. Affirming the supportive behaviors you observe can help boost a parent's self confidence and increase their use of facilitative behaviors. For a parent who often talks about feeling guilty for not having brought their child for therapy sooner, I might reply, "I'm so glad that you decided to bring her in now" and then direct the conversation to the present. The past obviously cannot be changed, so encouraging parents to think about the present at least gives a clear message that you are not going to dwell on the past. A parent may persist in putting themselves down; you and I don't have the power to make someone change their outlook. But, we can choose how we respond to the parents, and elect to help them begin to rethink their positive impact on their child's life. I'd call this taking a supportive counseling approach in working with families, just as I do with clients. I hope this is helpful to you. Regards, Lynne