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From: Paul Goldstein
Date: 20 Oct 2011
Time: 12:50:34 -0500
Remote Name: 88.88.238.25
Hi again, Tina! Our comments "crossed", so while I was responding to your first posting, your second one came in. Thanks for your great thoughtful question! It's not easy to reach the point of speech and life satisfaction where I am, if one is often quite disfluent as I am. It's taken me a long time to reach this point, and I have gradually reached it over the last decade while living in Norway. I'm now 57 years old, and decades ago - as a teenager, and when I was in my 20's and 30's, I would never have dreamed I would reach this point of speech and life satisfaction while still being often quite disfluent. My assumption for decades was that such satisfaction would entirely depend on success in long-term solidity of fluency targets. It's not easy to answer your question, because it's not very simple to help bring someone to this point of life satisfaction with just words of advice. It takes life experience, I believe. But having said that, here are a few points which can help someone to at least begin this process of self-acceptance: First of all, it's important to be open and honest about stuttering. It's something which should never be a "hush-hush" topic. If the person who stutters can easily and casually refer to his or her stuttering in conversation with others, the fact of being disfluent loses its personal sting, and the important process of desensitization can begin to unfold. Self-acceptance of stuttering is in the end nothing more than self-acceptance of any other fact of individuality or difference as a person. We are all unique, and we all have different strengths as people as well as different areas in which we may not be as skilled as others around us. For the person who stutters, consistency of speech fluency would fall into the latter category. Once we begin to accept that people are all different and unique individuals, we no longer have to "feel bad" that our skills in one particular area may not be as strong as in others around us. The fact that one may be different in such a way does not have to impede life happiness and satisfaction, nor does it stop one from being a wonderful person with all the highest qualities of living - caring, compassion for others, friendliness, and meeting personal goals of achievement. Having said all that, I would also make another recommendation, which perhaps may surprise you and other readers. Although I no longer practice and monitor fluency targets, it was very useful to me to have that background. I don't think I could have reached the point of my own self-acceptance without having had positive experiences through speech therapy. I would recommend that people who stutter take a look at the different types of therapy out there, and try one or more methods or approaches to see what might be helpful on their own personal journey. Self-acceptance and self-confidence are easier to build if one has had positive experiences through speech therapy, even if one continues to often experience significant disfluency. I hope this answer has been helpful and interesting!