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From: Lynne Shields
Date: 17 Oct 2011
Time: 13:54:02 -0500
Remote Name: 68.188.68.2
Christina, First let me congratulate you on developing a relationship with your client that allowed her to reveal her concerns about teasing. That's wonderful! There are many ways for a child to deal with teasing, and no one way is the best. As her clinician, you are in a position to have conversations with her about teasing, what it is, why it happens, and who owns what in a teasing situation. What I mean by the latter comment is that someone who teases and bullies is usually trying to make the person being teased feel badly about themselves in order to show off to friends or to make themselves feel higher on the food chain. I want children to begin to understand that it isn't their fault when someone teases or bullies them--it is really a negative reflection on the bully, that person is being unkind or downright mean. Your client feels bad--right now, she is 'owning' the negative feeling, maybe even blaming herself that the teasing occurred. However, if she can begin to see that her stuttering really isn't the issue at all when someone is teasing her. It's simply the vehicle the teaser chose to try to make her feel badly, she is in a position to walk away in a better frame of mind. Your client can decide that she no longer wishes to accept the bad feelings; that she is going to figure out a way to turn things right back to the person who teased or bullied her. That involves learning to self-advocate, working out what I refer to as 'snappy comebacks' to use as a way to verbally put the ball back in the teaser's court. On the Stuttering Homepage, under the Just for Kids section, there are posts from children concerning how they feel when they are teased and what they do to deal with teasing. This might be a place to begin exploring your client's feelings as well as to give her some ideas of different ways to respond to teasing. I like children to come up with several different kinds of responses, since teasing happens in different ways. So, in some cases, it might be most appropriate for her to decide to simply walk away, ignoring the teaser. This can work fine, as long as she can walk away and not feel bad about herself. In others, a comment such as, "that hurt my feelings. I don't want to play with you right now." might feel right. If someone mimics her stuttering, she may decide to respond by telling the other person that they really don't stutter all that well, or by offering to give them some tips. Role playing the chosen responses can empower a child by giving them sufficient practice that they will eventually feel able to try them out when teasing happens. Best wishes as you continue to work with this child, Lynne