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From: John Tetnowski
Date: 10 Oct 2011
Time: 10:09:43 -0500
Remote Name: 76.72.13.182
Rita, No doubt about it. Teens are tying to become independent and find themselves during these years, but parents cannot simply walk away. By the way, I have a teenage daughter myself. She is on a 10 day school trip right now. When we dropped her off, she was so excited to be with her friends, that there were no hugs and good-byes for her sad parents. Eventually she called last night and said that the cell phones will be off limits for the rest of the week, but wanted us to know that she loved us and thanked us for teh opportunity to be on the trip and that she will miss us. That call was way more meaningful than me calling her and saying, "you forgot to hug us and say good-bye". I give you that example because it is hard to keep a teen in your life. You must be available and not too pushy. I often have parents who say, give me their homework/practice and I'll make sure taht it gets done. This simply chases them away and takes away their independence. In therapy for teens, the homework and practice sheets go to the teen with some urging to use their parents for support as needed. Then, I also have phone conferences, e-mail chats, or separate one-on-one talks with the parents. If the teens are OK with it, i will get teh parents into the treatment roon from time to time. I usually do this when the teen has reached a milestone accomplishment....let them show off to the parents. And finally, I am now becoming convinced that parent support groups are just as important as teen support groups. They are useful AND time efficient! Thanks for the question. This one really made me reflect! John Tetnowski