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From: Don Hayman
Date: 08 Oct 2012
Time: 23:48:29 -0500
Remote Name: 124.189.64.116
Hi Jill Thanks for bringing covert stuttering out into the open. Do you know anyone in Australia who could be helpful for a covert stutterer? From my investigations it seems you either see a speech therapist for fluency or a psychologist for cognitive behavior therapy. In Australia neither seems to totally understand a covert stutterer based on the literature I’ve read but I haven’t spoken to any (for 35 years). I have been a stutterer for over 45 years and only heard the term covert stutterer this year. It is as though I now actually exist because I can be described. There is a TV show here (in Australia) where an actor is thrown onto a stage with no preparation or idea of the role or drama. They are required to join in the dialog as coherently as they can and avoid fumbling embarrassment. Sometimes being a covert stutterer feels like always being prepared to have several things to say and quickly substituting, editing and balancing nonsense with words pertinent to the situation. Success is avoiding stuttering and communicating enough to pass the conversation game on to someone else until its your turn again. Luckily for PWSC most fluent people talk some nonsense in general conversation. So it’s easy to disguise yourself. Just pretend you’re whimsical. Unfortunately it doesn’t work with my wife, with whom I stutter more than any one else. Not because I’m nervous, although she can be a bit scary at times, but because I have to be honest. Constantly pretending is tiring. The actors in the above TV show when interviewed after their performances sound exhausted. Why then hide? For me it’s the memory of the trauma of some overt stuttering experiences and the message that stuttering is bad. Speech therapists gave that message more strength. I never worried so much about my speech until I was trained to be fluent then, a few months later, seemed to lose all control to the confusion of my peers and myself. I don’t blame the therapists. It was the 1970s. The programs were experimental and at no cost to my family. But I became more covert after therapy. I became a master of passive control of relationships to avoid being exposed as a stutterer, often a slave to silence and social invisibility. I think because I’m usually successful at performing on cue it is hard to come out. I’m covert because I can be covert most of the time. Perhaps I fear that the true me might turn out even more whimsical than the false me. Or does everybody hide to some extent? Don