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From: Justine Koglin (undergraduate)
Date: 10 Oct 2012
Time: 20:19:49 -0500
Remote Name: 35.24.46.156
Hello Pamela, First, thank you for sharing your story and experiences. I am a student studying speech, language, and hearing and am currently enrolled in a fluency disorders class. In class we have been discussing how to provide support for the person who stutters. The emotional aspect, like you mentioned, takes a great toll on a person's morale and their experiences can follow them throughout their lifetime. I love your analogy about playing dress-up. I have vivid memories of dressing up in my mother's fancy dresses and my grandmother's glittery high-heels. I always dreamed about what I might be like when I was older, and you shared that you wondered as a young girl what it might be like to be someone else entirely. I was very moved by that. Reading your words gave me a new perspective of how a young child might think privately of themselves. I guess until this point I have been more focused on how a person who stutters might think of themselves at my current peer-age group (early 20's). I think growing up kids are always mean to each other and do so purposefully like you said.(For reasons unknown?) What kids don't realize is how those hurtful words we said in grade school could still be affecting a person still today. I find myself identifying with your post and it brings up memories of my younger years. Just as you say, I feel the need to "dress-up" around others I am not so comfortable with. For much of my teenage years (and before) I had terrible skin and didn't go anywhere, or hangout with anyone, even my family, without having applied my make-up. Layers and touch-ups of make-up as often as I could really. I can still remember girls in the bathroom complaining over one little blemish while I was carrying around a purse full of cosmetics. I would have done anything to trade places with them! Finally, in my college years, my skin has decided to calm down, but the emotional scars and insecurities have not all subsided. Recently, I have gotten better and can be comfortable around roommates and good friends without "dressing-up" or having too much make-up on. But still when I go to class or out in public, I feel that stiffness you described setting in. It is a wonderful feeling when you find your place of comfort. When it's finally okay to be in your worn-out jeans and be as you are. I hope for you that these places of comfort are ever expanding. I don't think you mentioned therapy in your post. If you feel comfortable discussing that issue I would be interested in knowing if had a speech-pathologist growing up or if you have any ideas that you think would be beneficial for a person who stutters during therapy. Thank you so much for your time, you're story has really hit home and I am thankful to have came upon it. Sincerely, Justine Koglin