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From: Scott Palasik
Date: 08 Oct 2012
Time: 07:58:15 -0500
Remote Name: 130.101.20.195
Annette, Good morning! Where are you writing from? Tell me a little bit about the counseling you do with parents? A different question, how would you want people to talk with you? If you were blaming yourself for something that isn't your fault (in reality), what would help you? This is my foundation to counseling parents. Putting myself in their shoes and listening. Active listening skills, and not advice giving, are important aspects of effective counseling for any client. Next, you can create a dialogue with the parents. You can share with them a time when you took blame for something that was clearly not your doing. You can model sharing and acceptance so parents can see it and learn from you. You have to remember, they are taking the blame because they love for their child. No parent wants to see their child in ANY pain (physical or emotional). So they try to take it upon themselves, which leads them to a topic called Chronic Sorrow, where the parents can cycle through the grief stages without getting to “acceptance” of their child’s disorder. Blame is an escape of reality for parents (and anyone). If we choose to focus on “blame” we don’t have to really spend time thinking about anything else. It also gives us something to grip! A ground to something that is groundless. The reality being the “unknown” is scary. It is nature to jump to conclusions in order to feel secure, yet it is not the healthiest way to deal with challenges. It can be our job (if we are comfortable enough) to help guide parents to a healthier choice. We can provide education materials from the Stuttering Foundation, the FRIENDS program for youth who stutter, and from the National Stuttering Association. We can talk with them, not at them. The type of counseling I do comes from contextual behavioral sciences and is called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). You can go to their website (contextualpsychology.org) and begin your journey for some beginner material. Or email me at spalasik@uakron.edu and I can send you some good books to start out. Thanks for asking questions and being an advocate for your clients! With compassion and kindness, Scott