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From: Pamela Mertz
Date: 03 Oct 2012
Time: 19:20:50 -0500
Remote Name: 67.248.49.228
"Better the devil you know than the devil you don't" was my mantra for years. I read this paper with much intent, and then re-read it twice before replying, debating how honest I should be. Would anyone care? Would anyone really read this comment besides you, the author? I think sometimes readers only read the article and then post, not taking the time, or even thinking or knowing, to read previous comments. That said, here is why this resonated so much with me. I am overweight (outside the normal weight constructs for my height,) I stayed in a horribly abusive, toxic relationship with a man I never was in love with for many years, and I stutter. I can’t own the substance abuse part, but am the child of alcoholic parents and have two siblings who have active substance abuse issues. I also experienced physical and sexual abuse as a child/teen. In my mind, all of these issues are inter-connected. I sought psycho-therapy several years ago when my stuttering issues boiled over to the top, and surprise, surprise, all of this other stuff surfaced and needed to be addressed as well. I also engaged in traditional fluency shaping therapy for 2 years, as an adult (only therapy I ever had) which I did not find useful. I would love to be thin, in a great relationship, have wonderful family dynamics and be perfectly fluent all the time. But that has not happened and probably never will – my choice has been to figure out (or try anyway) to love myself anyway, as a fat, single, imperfect stuttering woman. I think that I have self-actualized to the point where I have found it is OK to be all these things, or not. Change changes everything, and you are right, the best therapist, either psychological or speech, needs to help the individual understand the change process, their role in it, and help the individual reach deeper insights. I think your notion of choice is significant, but in my case anyway, too simplified. My choices don’t make me a failure, just because I have not mastered losing weight or using speech targets. It seems like you are alluding to choosing to act, or not, is like resigning one self to this is it, this is all I am going to be. What about someone who has engaged in therapy, has insight, has not mastered the healthier changes, but still loves herself and is confident enough to show that to the world? What do you think? ~Pam