The Professional Is In

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Re: Reaction

From: Lynne Shields
Date: 09 Oct 2012
Time: 14:21:23 -0500
Remote Name: 84.107.143.212

Comments

Vivek, I really like Scott's response to you on your second post. Focusing on how you want to respond to this person is the sure way you can bring about change. The most likely change is in how you will feel about yourself. I suspect that when this person is rude or picks on you about your stuttering, others will see this and think more poorly of him than you. But, as Scott said, you don't have control over what anyone else thinks, so it doesn't help too much to dwell on that. When I was young, and told my mother that someone didn't like me or was not kind, she often advised me to "kill them with kindness", meaning that I could choose to be kind and respectful to them, regardless of how they treated me. This might result in their gaining respect for me, or it might not. But, it surely would serve to make me feel better about myself, because I treated the other person well. It also lets the other person know that I will not go along with their poor behavior, or be made to feel badly about myself. I'm interested to know how you would really like to act when this person is rude. In your own mind, what would you say to him or do? Taking time to think about some possible responses may be a good first step in changing your behavior. You can take each imagined response and think about what the consequences might be if you were to actually try them. After thinking about that, are there one or two responses or actions that feel true to you or 'do-able' for you? Again, you are focusing on changing YOUR behavior--you do not like being made to feel badly about yourself, so your new responses are intended to help you feel respectful of yourself rather than to make the other person change. You might think of this a 'putting up a shield' so any insults the person tries to send your way hit the shield and fall right on the ground. You are not going to allow them to make you feel badly because of their bad behavior. Please let me know if any of this makes sense to you. I am go glad that you posted this question. Regards, Lynne


Last changed: 10/22/12