[ Contents | Search | Next | Previous | Up ]
From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 09 Oct 2012
Time: 17:14:40 -0500
Remote Name: 76.228.192.184
Hello, Vivek. I've been a little slow, perhaps, to make a comment because, from my perspective, you have been given some very valuable information and practical advice by Lynn Shields and Scott Pialasik, and so I held off. But I think I might be able to make a suggestion that may help you put into practice what they have suggested. So, please bear with me. This may be a little long. /// First, you may have noticed that I have reworded the title of your question from "Reaction" to "Reaction/Response." I did that because I would like to suggest that you consider not reacting externally even though you especially when you may be reacting internally feeling hurt and angry. By waiting while you calm and collect yourself so that you can respond in a thoughtful, considered way, to not react blindly out of anger, resentment, or hurt, you will be better able to do and say what you think will best enhance your standing and contribute to encourage understanding all around. So, I think you may wish to consider responding to slights, slurs, and other forms of verbal abuse rather than externally reacting to them. /// Then to create an over-all framework for dealing with this challenge from those who would bully you you might wish to consider applying the well-known advice often given to people who are afraid to give a talk or verbal presentation because they fear they will be judged harshly by the ones they would speak to. That advice, if you haven't already guessed, is to imagine the people they might speak to as dressed only in their underwear. Seeing them in their more nearly essential form helps remind us they are no better or no worse than we. Recognizing that, we can relax a bit, smile, and feel some basic solidarity with rather than difference from these people. Similarly, seeing those who bully you as people who may be hurting for reasons we do not know and who feel the need to bully to feel good about themselves instead of continuing to suffer may give you a sense of how to relate to them that may allow you to feel like the powerful person you are and them to feel accepted, which is something they may want most desparately to feel. /// In sum, Vivek, we can only control ourselves. That doesn't mean putting on an act. It means recognizing we have many options to present ourselves as the strong, powerful people we are that show their real strength by being a presence that calms and uplifts others. /// I know what I've said can sound somewhat abstract or airy-fairy, but I know it to be practical and true because I've lived it. My very best to you, Vivek, Ellen-Marie Silverman