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From: Alan Badmington (to Angela)
Date: 10/8/02
Time: 1:52:25 PM
Remote Name: 195.92.67.76
Hi Angela,
I understand that I stuttered from about the age of 3, although I cannot recall too many problems until I entered the grammar school (I think you call it High School in the USA) at the age of 11 years. I could not read aloud in front of other pupils, nor ask or respond to questions in the classroom.
In the company of my closest friends, I was reasonably outgoing, whilst in the presence of strangers (and those not so close) I would always have difficulty expressing myself. You see, I had particular problems with words commencing with 13 letters of the alphabet.
Consequently, I avoided such words and substituted them with synonyms not commencing with the dreaded letters. My oral participation would, invariably, be brief (comprising a few hastily delivered, carefully selected words, and I would then withdraw from the conversation. I could never give detailed explanations. I made it a practice to interrupt while others were talking, so that the attention was never focussed on me when I commenced speaking.
Despite my stutter, I chose to enter the Police Service at the age of 19. I realised that I could have taken an easier passage through life but that was not the path I wished to tread. I did not want to live within narrow parameters; I did not want to be restricted by my disfluency; I wanted to broaden my horizons and accept the challenges of my chosen profession.
During the initial years, I experienced dreadful problems while giving evidence in court. I could not avoid saying the oath (which contained so many feared letters); I could not change the name of the defendant or the date/time/location of the offence; the registration number (licence plate in the US?) and make of the vehicle were also not negotiable. I blocked,blocked and blocked again.
Many years later, I recounted my first courtroom episode in verse:
A policeman in court with a stutter
While giving the oath, caused a flutter
He said, "I ssssssssssssssssssssswear"
Then gave up in despair
Not a single word more could he utter
This is exactly what happened at my wedding reception. My fear and lifelong negative beliefs and emotions caught came to the fore. I wanted to speak but I was afraid to expose myself as someone who stuttered. As a result, I blocked.
As I have already mentioned elsewhere, I later acquired a small auditory feedback device known as the Edinburgh Masker. It would have assisted me at my wedding but, alas, it came too late.
I no longer wear the Masker and live a very active public speaking life (Indeed, I recently gave a speech at the wedding reception of Tobe and Chris, whose internet love story is featured under "Love makes the world go 'round").
Today, my stutter is no longer a concern.
Thank you for your contribution.
Kindest regards
Alan Badmington