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From: Alan Badmington (to Stefanie)
Date: 10/18/02
Time: 4:08:17 PM
Remote Name: 195.92.67.71
Hi Stefanie,
Nice to hear from you.
My decision to speak in unison with the vicar (and, unexpectedly, my wife) has been discussed at length in my earlier response to Holly. Perhaps you may care to read that posting when you have a moment.
My aunt probably thought that she was being helpful when she intervened (and started singing) at the reception. I was very disappointed at the time because it denied me the opportunity of completing my speech, but I have never held any animosity towards her. As I have said elsewhere in this online discussion - there is a lack of public awareness about stuttering, including members of one's own family. (I dealt with this point in far greater detail when responding to an earlier comment from Sandra).
My wife has always been so supportive of me, particularly in relation to my stutter. As our relationship developed, she acquired the art of assisting me in times of need (by whispering a word on which I was having difficulty; starting off a conversation at a customer services department; initiating a 'difficult' telephone call and then passing me the handset so that I could continue the conversation etc etc). She was, however, very careful not to take too much responsibility upon herself, realizing that over- indulgence on her part could result in me becoming too dependent upon her interventions.
I feel it is essential that a spouse/partner/loved one/friend/relative does not intervene to such an extent that the PWS's personal development is jeopardized. Persons who stutter must have the opportunities to broaden their self-images; expand their comfort zones; acquire inter-personal skills etc, otherwise they will live narrow existences.
The nature of my wife's interventions have varied immensely throughout the years. In times of greatest need, her support was most prominent; at other times it was minimal (or absent). It was gauged according to the circumstances.
Similarly, parents (however well-meaning and loving) must be cautious not to restrict the personal growth of their children (who stutter) by restricting their involvement in everyday life. It is, indeed, a fine line to tread.
If the actions of others are such that they suggest we are incapable of performing a specific task or role, then our beliefs are likely to become negative in those areas. Our expectations of what we can, or cannot, achieve in life will, undoubtedly, become diminished.
When I subsequently decided to travel down the path to greater fluency, Babs gave me her full support and encouragement. I involved her in everything that was happening and she has accompanied me to every support group meeting that I have ever attended.
Today, she does not need to intervene when I speak. I now have the confidence and ability to accomplish it alone. She fully understands that I needed to assume responsibility for those tasks that she, hitherto, undertook (or in which she previously volunteered assistance). She has been fully involved in the process and, therefore, does not feel slighted, unwanted or redundant. Such rapport and consultation is essential.
I wish you every success as a first year graduate student in speech language pathology. I once gave a series of presentations at Arkansas State University. The Professor of Speech and Language Disorders felt that it would be useful for her class of future SLPs to receive a personal insight into what it is like to be a person who stutters. Hopefully, you will have such contact in due course.
Thank you, once again, for your interesting and valued contribution.
Kindest regards
Alan Badmington