[ Contents ]
From: Russ Hicks
Date: 10/3/02
Time: 9:08:21 PM
Remote Name: 12.237.89.119
Wow, what a dynamite paper! From four of my most favorite women in the entire world!
I want to address some comments to each of you individually, then I'll say some things to your entire panel and suggest a couple of things...
1. Kari, you asked "Who Are Our Role Models?" Perhaps that's a good question from your point of view, but the answer from your readers' viewpoint is a resounding YOU ARE! I remember when I first met you and was so impressed with your ultimate coolness and style. Over the years I have never seen you any time any where as anything other than radiantly beautiful. If this is what women who stutter are like, I feel so sorry for the rest of them! I remember our hilarious time in Washington DC when you taught us the rubber band and finger tricks. I use them to this day! Do you stutter? Well... yeah... I guess, but the rest of your beauty and personality and brains just overwhelm that characteristic of you. You're a role model to a LOT of us, not just women!
Regarding the "mechanic with no hands" comment, I would have taken that as a compliment! What an interesting way to learn mechanics! You know you are an EXCELLENT communicator and you have the power to teach others from a slightly different perspective than other people. That's a strength, not a weakness.
2. Brett, I remember meeting you for the first time in Denver and we talked about your uncertainty of going into speech pathology as someone who stutters. It was all I could do to keep from hitting you over the head with a board! OF COURSE YOU SHOULD! And sure enough... I'm absolutely amazed that you would have had any doubts. You talk about a role model...! As Bill would say, she's INCREDIBLE! (You gotta have his hand gesture in there to appreciate that, but you know who and what I mean!)
I agree - obviously - that men and women typically have two entirely different communication styles. You talk about the stereotypical style of women deferring to their partners to speak for them. Hmmm... while that may be true, that may not be as strong a gender-linked characteristic as it might appear on the surface. I can think of numerous examples of just the reverse. And oftentimes it's not even stuttering linked. It seems that it's more of a personality linked characteristic, extrovert/introvert, than anything else. But a good point and well worth considering.
In my many talks on stuttering, I go over the common statistic that 4 out of 5 people who stutter are men. And while I think that fact may be grossly unfair, I stop and point out that at least men don't have to have babies! So I guess that evens it out in the long run! I am continually amazed at how women are expected to be all things to all people - and quite a lot they almost succeed in doing that! Babies, family, careers.... all at the SAME TIME! My God... as long as a guy can go to work and come home to a beer, he's happy. Men are such simple creatures... Women, on the other hand, are simply in-CRED-ible! (I shall refrain from my litany of Real Men jokes at this time because I would, like the simple creature that I am, simply prove my own point.) My hats off to you women for all you do!
3. Vanna, my gosh, what can I say? I know you probably better than any of the other three of my favorite women on this panel. I remember when we met in Philadelphia in 1989... As they say, "you had to have been there..." No, don't even bother telling the other three about it. They'd never understand what went on... OMG... When I read your sentence which said, "Since it was acceptable for me to be passive as a girl, I would avoid speaking." I almost fell out of my chair laughing! Who are you talking about, "passive?" Certainly not Vanna! You and Irma were the talk of the entire convention. And in Dallas the next year, it was no different. You are simply amazing! Vanna and passive cannot be used the same sentence! You and I have had SO much fun together. And funny, I NEVER even thought of you as a minority, an Asian-American. I think it was later on when I found out that you were from Laos - and I was amazed. Yeah, I guess that's right... but just like with Kari, all that you are simply overwhelms your stuttering! That's such an insignificant part of you.
It's funny when you really think you truly know someone, you find out so much more that you didn't know. You are absolutely correct about the cultural differences. I have many friends from the Far East, China, Taiwan, and Vietnam mainly, and their culture (language, accents, foods, family relationships) is what makes them so fascinating! You represent not only women, but the Far Eastern culture(s) as well. It's an honor - and you KNOW such a PLEASURE - to count you as one of my closest friends! You're gonna make a wonderful SLP! And good luck with Baby Nicks!
4. Nora, wow, what a powerful paper! I had no idea what a good writer you are! This piece definitely worthy of broader publication. Your word pictures make this paper come alive with the passion you feel. Yes, I remember those days when you were a "frustrated, angry woman." When did we meet? Denver? Before that? I knew you were frustrated and angry, but the "frightened" part was pretty well hidden. I almost felt that you could darn well take care of yourself, with a gun if necessary! It is amazing to see your transformation from that angry young girl to the powerful, yet gentle, leader you are today. You are - repeat ARE - accomplishing great things whether you know it or not. We feel your frustration in your NSACHAP posts when you continue to fight for recognition for good stuttering therapy in the seemingly paranoid environment of academia in and near San Francisco. Keep banging away at them, Nora! Sooner or later you WILL succeed. And that will be a victory for all of us.
I loved your description of "... the layers upon layers of debilitating secondary behaviors which form the suffocating rubble-heap ..." Excellent! How perfect a picture of what is weighing us down! I want to see a LOT more of your writing, Nora.
Your most passionate statement in your paper was when you said, "I was a girl dying with stuttering..." Wow! Yes... how true. People laugh and say that stuttering isn't fatal (ha, ha) but the truth of the matter is that it CAN BE! Whether or not you commit suicide - as one of our people did - or you simply shrivel up to a lifeless shell, stuttering CAN KILL YOU! And your fight back from that brink is extraordinarily inspirational. Was the watershed event your experience at SSMP? I think it probably was.
Yes, our hearts and our minds can - and often do - pull us in two different directions. But I'm glad you're fighting that battle and WINNING! It's a long, tough battle, but as with a lot of issues in your life, Nora, you're successfully coming to grips with them and are turning into a powerful, confident leader. They say that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. And you're living proof of that. I'm glad you're on our side, Nora. You're one heck of a strong woman - a strong PERSON!
Now, to ALL of you...
I think it's really amazing that in all of your writings NONE of you mentioned the word "covert" one single time. You all hinted at it with the words "hide," "hidden," and "found out," but you still didn't use that word. This is an important issue, I believe, because I'm convinced - without any research to back this up - that the world of covert stutterers is populated significantly by women. Certainly it isn't dominated by the 4:1 ratio that overt stuttering is dominated by men. I know that none of you are classic covert stutterers but Kari and Brett, you may be close. But I'd really like to see you address this area in your Yahoo group. If we're ever going to get a real handle on this covert stuttering issue, I really think that women will lead the way.
Also I'd like to see you address the "image industry" question. Chris Roach and I have discussed this item at great length on numerous occasions and I tend to think that women may be more susceptible to this condition than men. An "image industry" is a work environment where ANY imperfection is deemed a catastrophic failure. A classic example is the supermodel business where an ounce of fat is almost fatal. Chris contends that in his field of law and banking, any disfluency can turn the course of trial against you. You MUST be perfect! Stuttering - or ANY imperfection - is simply not allowed. Are women more prone to this type of pressure than men? I don't know - but I THINK so. What do YOU think?
If I could wave my magic wand, I'd like to round up many more women to be in "your club." Primary on this list are Cathy Olish from Detroit and Sarah Watson from Longview, Texas. Following closely on their heels would be Claudia Gottesman from New York and Kathy Filer and Lucy Reed, both from New Jersey. Of course there are countless others, but those five would be my top five nominees. I've thought of joining your Yahoo group, women_girls_living_with_stuttering but you'd probably throw me out for solving all your problems for you like Real Men like to do. Tannen, right Brett? <smile> But you know where to find me...
Congratulations on this wonderful paper "girls." Real Men couldn't have done it any better! <smile>
Russ