Women and Stuttering

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Re: Nora O'Connor: The Root of Suttering

From: Nora O'Connor
Date: 10/14/02
Time: 2:33:58 PM
Remote Name: 208.32.238.2

Comments

Thank you for your post Cynthia. I had been struggling for quite some time with finding some level of acceptance with my stutter in order to function -- in order to just be in the world. Six years ago I attended the Successful Stuttering Management Program at Eastern Washington University and learned techniques to manage my stutter as well as learning to be okay with my stutter. The program was great -- definitely a pivotal point in my life. (I was in a documentary filmed during my time at the SSMP; contact me off line if you're interested in getting a copy of it ... ) I came home from the program and wanted so much to manage my stutter, while being okay with being a person who stuttered. I was in school pursuing my life dream of being a social worker. I knew it was okay to stutter. I knew I had the tools to manage my stutter. I had so many friends who stuttered as well as SLPs that I met at the SSMP that I could talk with ... I was feeling really good about life and that this was my time. I had arrived. But, there still was a block. There still was something holding me back from allowing myself to be ... allowing myself to use the therapy techniques and keep eye contact as I was going through a block and feel a part of the rest of the world. And what I knew was that the "block" was all the years and years of negative thinking, self hate talk, low self-esteem and self-doubting. All that wasn't going to go away because I knew on a surface level that it was okay to stutter and that I had techniques to manage my stutter. How could I do “mirror work” when it was so painful to look at the person in the mirror? I had to work through all the years of garbage to find the plain, simple, straightforward stutter and until I could do that I wasn’t going to be capable of using any techniques or feel any acceptance about it. I had traveled so far from baseline stuttering -- I had to find someway to get back there … The SSMP was a great (and much needed) start, as well as being an active member of the National Stuttering Association, and having a great support system, but I needed more. I pursued psychotherapy in 1999, without fully knowing if that was going to be the answer, but I knew I had to do something. My life was good, but I still felt like I was dying. It took quite some time just to get beyond, “I hate that I stutter.” and “Why can’t I just be okay with it?” I had to dig deep to the core … to the shame, to the anger, to the frustration. It was only then could I look you in the eye and stutter. It was only then could I believe I could manage my stutter, instead of having my stutter manage me … I can use the techniques that I learned at the SSMP pretty well today. For the most part I’m confidant about my speaking abilities. Although if I’m not careful I can get on the negative thinking roller coaster and be heading straight down to the garbage dump in no time. Today I’ve become aware of what to do before the roller coaster starts gaining speed and allow myself to be pissed off without it controlling my every move.

As you can tell I can write a dozen more essays about the subject. Treating stuttering can be very complex because there are so many facets to the adult person who stutters. I believe in a holistic approach to treating the adolescent and adult stutterer. Please continue to want to understand and learn more about stuttering and the person who stutters. We are worth it!

Peace, nora

nora95@juno.com


Last changed: September 14, 2005