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From: Alan Badmington
Date: 10/6/03
Time: 4:47:51 PM
Remote Name: 195.92.67.74
Hi Alice,
Please call me Alan.
I am pleased that you have now gained greater confidence in new situations. I think that becoming more ‘mature’ (if I may express it that way) certainly appears to help us to accept additional responsibilities. It is so satisfying to know that we are able to cope with whatever life presents us.
You enquired how stuttering affected my ability to perform my duties as a police officer. Well, although I was proud of what I achieved, I knew that I was capable of so much more. I could never achieve my full potential.
At the age of 19, I took a very important decision – greatly influenced by the fact that I stuttered. I realised that I could take a reasonably sheltered passage through life by choosing to avoid social intercourse, seeking employment with limited speaking opportunities and restricting the occasions on which I engaged in conversation. Simple isn’t it? If you don’t speak you don’t stutter.
Those options were open to me, but I decided that it was not the path that I wished to tread. I felt that I needed the challenge of interacting with the public and so I applied to join the Police Service.
I could not say words commencing ‘b’,’c’,’d’, ‘f’,’g’, ‘j’, ‘k’,’m’, ‘n’, ‘p’, ‘s’, ‘t’ and ‘v’. Yes!, half of the alphabet lay outside my scope. Consequently, I avoided such words and substituted them with synonyms not commencing with the dreaded letters. The crunch came when I had to give evidence in court for the very first time. I knew, long before I entered the witness box, that I was doomed. The oath, which was such an integral part of my profession, comprised 23 words – 19 of which I could not say. (rather unfair odds don’t you think;-). It was a disaster because I could not avoid the words on the card.
A senior officer later wrote (about me), “When this officer gives evidence in court, he is an embarrassment to all”. I was removed from operational duties and transferred into an administrative role, away from the public contact that I so badly needed. I qualified for an accelerated promotion scheme at the prestigious Police College but they would not accept me because of my speech.
Many years later, I acquired an auditory feedback mechanical device (the Edinburgh Masker) which emitted an infernal buzzing sound every time I spoke. It helped to some extent but I had to speak unnaturally, and it always appeared to let me down when I most needed it. Nevertheless, there was some improvement in my speech and I eventually persuaded my employers to allow me to return to operational duties.
I wore the Edinburgh Masker for 10-14 hours, every day for the next 20 years – it became my mechanical crutch at all times (socially and at work). It comprised a throat microphone and a set of ear moulds, connected to a control box by wires and tubing concealed beneath my clothing and hair. It really was quite horrific but I could not have existed in my profession without it.
Although I still experienced problems whilst wearing the Masker, it gave me the confidence to go into situations that I would, otherwise, have avoided. In other words, it allowed me to expand my comfort zones. Despite the setbacks (and there were many), I now realise that the device helped to prepare a system that would later support greater fluency and self-expression.
If you are interested in reading more about my lifetime of stuttering (including my struggles as a police officer), you may wish to read a transcript of a presentation that I gave to the British Stammering Association Annual Conference in England in September 2001 (and subsequently to the National Stuttering Association in California the following year). Entitled ‘Stuttering is not just a speech problem’, it is available on several stuttering-related websites, including the following:
The Stuttering Homepage:
http://www.stutteringhomepage.com (search for it under 'Holistic approaches'), or visit:
http://www.mankato.msus.edu/dept/comdis/kuster/Infostuttering/badmington.pdf
British Stammering Association:
http://www.stammer.demon.co.uk/conf2001_alanbadmington/
Thank you for your contribution.
Kindest regards
Alan Badmington