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From: Terry Dartnall
Date: 10/23/03
Time: 3:09:51 AM
Remote Name: 132.234.251.213
Hi Devon
You’re right on the money! That’s exactly what happened. In my late fifties I screwed up the courage to tell my psychiatrist that I have a stammer, and he refused to believe me. And, as you say, that was what I wanted to hear, in one sense. But it confused me as well, because I knew that it wasn’t true.
Your phraseology is spot on: “I would have taken their disbelief as an indicator that I was overreacting and let them confirm for me that I was ‘not’ a stutterer.”
I still half believe this. I think that I do overreact to my stutter, which, as my psychiatrist says, I perceive as the most terrible thing in the world. And I panic when I block. Does that mean that I don’t “really” have a stammer, or that I have a mild, or local, stammer that I overreact to? I really don’t know. I DO stammer over some words, and when I do it I do it in spades, but I don’t do so very much of the time.
“What gave you the extra push to tell another person?”
You mean, after I spoke to my psychiatrist? I kept going to see him, and my stress levels weren’t getting any better. I finally persuaded him to refer me to an SLP, and she picked my stammer immediately. So that confirmed for me that it wasn’t all in my head – not that I ever believed that it was. And then … I was on sabbatical in the US last year and thought I’d take advantage of the better understanding of stammering that they have over there, and I got in touch with Russ Hicks and Chris Roach, and other nice people. And it was then that I came across the term “covert” and realised that I wasn’t alone.
I think this will be the last exchange on this thread, so this a nice note to end on. To what extent is my propensity to panic when I stammer itself part of the stammer – part of Russ Hicks’ famous iceberg, which is nine-tenths below the surface?
Thanks for your nice mail.
Terry