Using Story To Help Heal

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Re: Using Story to Help Heal

From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 16 Oct 2004
Time: 19:08:42 -0500
Remote Name: 205.188.116.201

Comments

Lauren, You are so wise! Feelings are, indeed, an integral part of who we are and, as you said, need to be validated in therapy. If you think about it: Feelings and behavior arise from thoughts. So we can view feelings and behavior as reflections or outgrowths of belief systems, ersatz stories, if you will, that support or sabotage our goals for who and how we want to be. For instance, if I believed I had nothing worthwhile to say to anyone, then I might feel hurt and angry, avoid speaking, and stutter quite severely. Upon careful examination of my anger, recognizing the hurt underlying it and then the belief I had of unworthiness from which the hurt stemmed, I could challenge my belief of unworthiness with the reality of my daily life and accumulated accomplishments in life. Then probably noticing that I was competent in certain areas of life and had meaningful experiences to share, from which to draw strength and wisdom, I could decide on a plan of speaking to others, starting small with a well-defined goal of, say, acknowledging my sister's feelings when we met for lunch on Wednesdays, then gradually increasing the number of people per week I spoke with, etc. I could make my attentiveness to the thoughts and feelings of others a goal on par with how and how much I stuttered when I spoke with them. Etc., etc. Attending to feelings to validate a person, first of all, and to identify their beliefs or certainties about themselves, others, and the world can lead to meaningful, realized communication goals. You are very insightful, Lauren. Best wishes, Ellen-Marie Silverman


Last changed: 09/12/05