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From: Alan Badmington (to Sophie)
Date: 07 Oct 2005
Time: 16:36:51 -0500
Remote Name: 84.65.149.135
Hi Sophie, I appreciated your generous comments – thank you! Progressing to your questions – where do I start? ;-) Firstly, let’s deal with my decision to adopt a zero-tolerance policy towards word substitution and other avoidances. I simply made a pact with myself on May 4, 2000, that I would never again succumb to the temptation. If a thought came into my head, and I could feel myself about to substitute a word, I simply said a resounding “NO!” I said “NO!” to avoidance, and “YES!” to accepting the challenge of saying a particular word. Having gained an understanding of the implications of avoidance, I simply refused to yield to the temptation. I had been totally immersed in word substitution for so many years – it was just second nature. But, you see, Sophie, there had been so many time in my life when I had not said what I wanted to say. All that wasted energy and discomfort – having to accept second best. I regularly uttered words/sentences that I didn’t really want to say. There were far superior, or more appropriate, words that I could have used but I chose the less challenging option. I knew that I had to face up to those ‘feared’ words if wanted to be free. As you know, half of the alphabet was not at my disposal ;-) How did I achieve the transformation? Well, I became proactive in saying them. I purposely selected words that I would introduce into conversation, even though there was no real need to use them. What I mean is that I would select one or two different words each day (like Badmington, or son), and deliberately bring them into a sentence when I chose to do so. I would not wait until they had to be said – I would say them when the pressure was off. If I had remained reactive, and only said them when the need arose (and I had no other option), then the fear level would have been high. (You see, every time we avoid a word, the fear increases). By choosing when to say them at my discretion, I found it much easier. I practised doing this in less challenging situations, such as speaking with my wife or friends. I also did it regularly when attending support groups, or when using the extensive world-wide telephone support network to which I had gained access upon joining the McGuire Programme. I was so fortunate that I had gained new tools/techniques that would enable me to say EVERY WORD in the alphabet – albeit initially mechanically in certain cases. But I knew that I would be able to say them. I knew that I had the tools to do so. And every time that I said a word that held an emotional charge, a little voice told my subconscious, “Hey Alan, you’ve just said Badmington. Hey Alan, you’ve just said son”. It was such a satisfying feeling to know that those words had lost the fear that they had exerted on me for so many years. Throughout my life, whenever I approached those words, that inner voice had screeched, “Hey Alan, you can’t say ticket. Hey Alan, you can’t say pen”. And…I had acted in accordance with those beliefs and avoided accordingly. I merely reversed the process and, over a short period of time (thanks to positive experiences), I changed the self-limiting beliefs that had convinced me that such words were beyond my capabilities. However, I do not believe that I could have achieved those changes without the tools that I acquired in May 2000. I just would not have had the confidence. Moving on to your next point: negative self-talk is a subject in its own right. I could type 2,000 words about it without too much difficulty ;-) The nature of the ISAD Online Conference is such that protracted exchanges are not really appropriate - so, I will try to keep my response relatively brief. However, I will pleased to continue the discussion via private email, if you so wish. It is sufficient for me to say (at this point) that WE have the choice to think whatever WE choose. WE are capable of running our own brains. I’ve read that the average person receives something in the region of 60,000 – 75,000 thoughts each day, of which either 60% or 75% are negative. The process is apparently such that we cannot prevent such thoughts from entering our heads, but WE, and WE alone, have the choice as to whether or not WE retain them. I have trained myself to acknowledge all negative thoughts (not suppress them), but I immediately propel them to the trash can. I refuse to harbour, or dwell upon, a negative thought for more than a few seconds. They are so harmful. Imagine a thought appears on the windshield of your car. As soon as that happens, I activate the windshield wipers and remove it. I then replace it with a positive thought of MY choice. Negative self-talk is so detrimental. We must become our own best friends and not our worst enemies. How long did it take me to erase my negative thoughts? Not long really – it was a gradual process but you need to recognise the thoughts before you can deal with them. Today, I never hold onto such thoughts for more than a few seconds. If they return, then I simply repeat the banishment (and replacement) process. Our beliefs and self-image (that is, how we see ourselves), influence our thoughts and actions. By challenging (and reversing) my negative beliefs, I stopped (to a large extent) the source of negative thinking. When the occasional negative thought pops up, I know how to deal with it instantly. Negative thoughts fuelled and reinforced my stutter throughout my life – I cut off that supply. In the early days, if things did not go according to plan, I would always look for the positive in every speaking situation. If you examine it carefully enough, you will always find something. That was the practice I adopted – always focussing on the positive. Sophie, I’m not sure if I’ve thrown any light upon the questions you posed, but I hope that I’ve given you a better understanding of the path I trod. If you have any further points that you want to raise, or wish to clarify, then please do not hesitate to email me privately. Finally, it was both a privilege and a pleasure to meet up with you in New York in August, despite the fact that both Junior and I were both not in particularly good health at the time. Take care Alan