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From: Alan Badmington (to Anita)
Date: 18 Oct 2005
Time: 17:58:51 -0500
Remote Name: 84.66.241.211
Hi Anita, Great to hear from you! It’s been some considerable time since we last corresponded. Yes, self-beliefs are an important part of the equation for everyone, not just persons who stutter. Whatever we believe influences our thoughts and behaviours. In addition, our self-image (how we see ourselves) shapes our thinking and actions. (I explained this in far greater details in my original ISAD draft, but it was some 2000 words too long. I had to remove some interesting information when I reduced the size of the paper). As long as we continue to believe something, then our thoughts and actions will continue in accordance with those beliefs. Similarly, if we cannot ‘see’ ourselves undertaking a particular role, then we will continue to believe that we cannot fulfil it (and think/act accordingly). When I joined the McGuire Programme back in 2000, I learned new breathing and speaking techniques, and acquired fresh tools to assist me to say my ‘difficult’ words. I was able to use them satisfactorily in that course environment. Because of the success that I experienced during those four days, I began to challenge (to a slight degree) my long-held belief that I could not use half of the alphabet. I began to believe that I could speak in front of groups, and I began to believe that maybe (just maybe) I might finally be able to come to terms with my speech problem. However, as we all know – speaking well in a safe environment (such as a course, workshop or clinician’s office) is one thing. Successfully transferring those gains (and beliefs) into the real world is an entirely different ‘ball game’. On the third day of that initial course, I was able to take the technique and confidence out onto the streets, where I spoke to nearly 300 strangers within the duration of an afternoon. I was ‘on a high’ – intoxicated by my successes during the preceding three days. I was also accompanied (and supported) by an experienced member of the Programme, who had already made huge impacts on his own speech. The crunch came when the course ended and I returned home. Fortunately, I had access to an extensive telephone support network (24/7), and was also able to attend a weekly support group, where I maintained my technique and confidence. But, I still had those negative self-limiting beliefs that I had accumulated over so many years. I still had the fear of speaking in certain situations, and I still had the belief that I would experience difficulty with half of the alphabet. Those beliefs did not go away overnight. I had to challenge myself by doing the things that I always believed I could not do. Over a period of time, as I enjoyed successes, my self-limiting beliefs gradually changed – and I no longer had negative thoughts when I encountered those words/situations. My thoughts and actions followed suit and were in accordance with my beliefs. But now they were positive. You refer to our negative inner critic – it is SO damaging. Fortunately, I already possessed techniques that enabled me to keep, at bay, the 40,000 negative thoughts that I received daily. (Yes! – 80% of what we think is negative). Learning how to initially acknowledge those thoughts, and then dispense them to the trash can, proved so important. It kept me on track and allowed me to focus on the positive. I know that your self-beliefs have caused you considerable problems over the years. We inherit many of them from childhood. Negative beliefs and thinking create low self-esteem, which causes us to devalue our self-worth. Knowing the immense struggles that you have encountered, I am absolutely thrilled that you have now progressed to such a positive position in your life. You have achieved so much; you have faced your fears and released yourself from the shackles that inhibited you for so many years. You have refused to allow your stutter to dictate the path that you now wish to tread. And, in realising your own dreams, you have given hope, comfort and assistance to so many others who need encouragement to follow in your courageous footsteps. You are correct when you say that we need to become our own best friends, and not remain our worst enemies. That is something I have long advocated. But, we must first be able to recognise the negative self-talk that we feed ourselves – otherwise, we will continue to use it to our detriment. Anita – keep travelling the world; keep telling your inspiring story to others; and keep giving stuttering an international voice in such a powerful, positive and persuasive manner. You are a role model to many! And, above all, don’t ever stop beating the drum and conveying the vitally important message that when we BELIEVE, we can ACHIEVE! Fondest wishes Alan