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From: Prakhar
Date: 04 Oct 2005
Time: 14:51:32 -0500
Remote Name: 61.246.240.244
Hi Everyone, I’m 24 year old, male, from India. Besides being active on many stuttering related groups/lists; I have also been reading some books and many stuttering related articles. As such, I have developed some “insight” into my stuttering. But, one answer that still eludes me is :- Some background - we all know what contextual fluency or non-fluency is. Some people are apparently fluent indoors, with some people, pets etc but cease to be fluent when talking to authority figures, tense speaking moments etc. I also fit perfectly in that mould. But, there’s a twist to my non-fluency and that is – I can be fluent, as well as non-fluent,in the same “context”! Illustrating further – I always had a hard time attending to roll calls back in school days. I just couldn’t say “present”. Interestingly, I could say “present” on some rare days 100% fluently while blocking severly on it , other times. Whether I was going to block or not , depended upon my “feeling” fluent or non-fluent. I didn’t know, where did that “feeling” of being fluent or non-fluent come from; particularly if you keep in mind that it was a routine activity(the same teacher, the same time, the same classmates, the same room, the same furniture, same air, same thoughts in my mind i.e. figuring different ways of saying “present”...etc). In short, the situation replicated itself every morning and sometimes I could be as fluent as anyone, while blocking fiercely on other occasions. Now, as you may have gathered, my question is simple – How can non-fluency or fluency be explained even when the contexts are identical? And, I wasn’t under any sort of fluency enhancing therapy during my school days. No techniques, no drugs, no devices , just nothing except my “normal” self. Further, where did this “feeling” of being fluent or non-fluent stem from? It must have a driving cause. What could that be? Or there was something more going on, which I couldn’t attend to? I must add that I’m more interested in knowing the answers to my questions so that, if possible, I can generate that “fluent feeling” at will. That’s my only intention( to “feel” fluent when I want to be, and even perhaps “feel” non-fluent when I want to be; instead of sometimes forced to “feel” fluent or non-fluent without my say or choice). So, if you don’t have answers to my each and every question, but point me some way through which I start “feeling” the way I want to; it would be more than I could have asked for! I’m not sure how much sense my post would make to you all; just hope it does. ;-) Best regards, Prakhar