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From: Alan Badmington
Date: 16 Oct 2006
Time: 09:34:20 -0500
Remote Name: 81.77.9.43
Hi Lauren, I’m delighted that you enjoyed my paper. Thank you for your generous comments. You asked how I felt when my supervisor reported that I was “an embarrassment to all when I gave evidence in court”. As much as it hurt, I accept that he had the right to comment upon how he saw my performance. There is such a lack of public knowledge and understanding about stuttering that he would not have understood why I was experiencing so much difficulty in that environment. He formed the view that others were embarrassed by my apparent inability to give the evidence in a manner that was acceptable to the court of law, and to society, in general. (I did not learn about his comments until many years later, long after I had been transferred to another department). I did not wish to be removed from an operational role because one of the principal reasons that I applied to become a police officer was that I would come into contact with members of the public. Even at the age of 19, I realised that I had two choices in life. One involved taking employment that did not require a greater deal of speaking or social interaction, whereas the other involved facing my fears head-on. The former was not the path that I wished to tread and so I chose the latter. I encountered many difficulties and heartaches throughout my police career, but I grew as a human being. Having been transferred to a non-operational role, I developed into a respected administrator and acquired useful expertise in that field. I later became editor of the police force newspaper/journal. (Every cloud has a silver lining) ;-) Both my supervisor and I have now retired from the Police Service. We have met on a number of occasions, during which he has expressed surprise (and delight) at the transformation that has taken place in respect of my speech. I do not hold any grudges or grievances. The past is history – I cannot change what happened. I refuse to waste time and energy dwelling upon what might have been – such thinking is both meaningless and futile. I focus solely on today and tomorrow, as it is possible to influence the outcome of both such events. That chapter is now closed; I have moved on with my life. In answer to your final question – I did not receive any therapy during the 20 years that I wore the Edinburgh Masker. Having suffered previous disappointment (as the result of unsuccessful therapy), I simply decided to get on with my life as best I could. I am proud of what I achieved. Thank you for taking the time to contact me. I wish you every success with your studies. Kindest regards Alan