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From: Hazel Percy
Date: 03 Oct 2006
Time: 09:01:16 -0500
Remote Name: 89.241.182.35
John - your article's very good and what you've said is very true! I've a few comments to make, which have come to mind as I've read it through and thought about it. <<That's when I came to a realization that's been nothing short of life changing -- my expectations can actually prevent me from seeing physical objects…and opportunities…that are sitting right under my very nose.>> That reminds me of our Toastmasters meeting, last Monday. A man was giving a speech about reading and had on the whiteboard, a short passage for us all to read. He asked us to count the number of letter 'f's in the passage. I looked at it, and could only see 4 of them - but I could hear others saying 4, 6, even 8! I looked again, and could still only count 4. Then, when Andrew pointed all the 'f's out, he pointed out that there were at least 3 'of' words in the passage - which often, our brains don't register as containing the letter 'f', because they don't produce the normal 'f' sound, when spoken. I couldn't believe that I had looked at that passage several times, and failed to see all the 'f's in the word 'of' but it had happened - not just to me, but to several others there too. It appears my brain had been only looking for, and expecting certain 'f' sounds to be there, and ones that didn't quite match my criteria, just weren't registered. <<But, as this next story will illustrate, there's a difference between having expectations, and allowing your life to be run by your expectations. Whenever you do that, you're giving away your power…to others and to circumstances>> As I read that, the thought came that our expectations are just NOT real are they? They're just our perceptions of what will happen in a future situation. Expectations are simply in our head - just like trying to 'mindread' what others might/might not be thinking about us are all in our head. A few weeks ago, at the McGuire London improvement day, we had a phoning session, whereby we were each given phone challenges to carry out. As I picked up my piece of paper out of the bag, it read that I was required to phone up a company and make an enquiry, using voluntary block release on every single word!!!Well, I've never taken deliberate dysfluency to that extent and felt quite uncomfortable about doing it. But, you know me - I'm game for most things :-) So I picked up the phone, and started speaking as follows: 'H......Hello, c.......could y.......you t......tell m........me h........how m.......much y.......you ch.........charge....................etc And so I continued, feeling really uncomfortable, but following through my intention to use voluntary block release on every word. To be honest, I expected my listener to hang up before I'd finished saying my enquiry. But I kept going...................and she kept listening. Then, to my surprise, at the end of my sentence she answered my question politely; to which I said th...................thank y............you, b...............bye. I hung up and was totally amazed at her patience! She hadn't hung up as I'd expected, but had listened to what I had to say and responded accordingly. I'm not sure everyone would be so patient, but I felt quite elated afterwards. I'd really pushed the boat out by allowing myself to feel so uncomfortable and at the same time, I'd remained completely calm and in control throughout! That phone call did me a lot of good! :-) <<It was a perfect example of how I gave away my power and let my expectations control my life.>> Can I identify with that one! For 12 years, I let my expectations dictate my job choices. I didn't believe I could handle any job with a lot of face to face or phone contact with the public. I was offered promotion and turned it down. My boss thought I could handle going out of the office and meeting people, but my expectation was I wouldn't be able to handle it. When I left university 20 years or so ago, I had felt drawn towards doing some sort of care work with people, but again - my expectation was that I'd sink rather than swim; so I confined myself to doing mundane office work and playing it safe as much as possible. But now, my expectations and perceptions of what I can do have changed and I now know that I'm capable of much more than I've ever allowed myself to experience to date. And so, 20 years on, I seem to be coming full circle and am finally choosing to do the kind of work which is on my heart to do and which is more 'me'. I don't really know what to expect next week. But my intentions are; to enjoy interacting with the staff and residents at the home where I'll be working; to be open about stammering and openly use deliberately non-fluency, and to simply trust God, to do my best and see how it all works out. <<If, on the other hand, you focus on your intentions, instead of your expectations, and allow your intentions to drive your life,>> I agree that it's far better to allow intentions to drive your life. But sometimes I find that my emotions can still get in the way a little in that area. For example, I've noticed that whenever you and I chat on the phone, I have a tendency to sometimes 'rabbit' on that bit too fast for my own comfort, and I end up tripping over words a bit. Which isn't a problem in itself, as I just block release and say the word again. But......... before I phoned you last night, I decided that I would intend to use more Deliberate Dysfluency than on our previous call, and to go that bit slower. But what happened in reality? Well, I did use some DD, but I also went too fast at times yet again. Oh, I enjoyed the conversation and said exactly what I wanted to say - which is probably more important. But I know I only partly fulfilled my intention. Today, I've been thinking about why that was, and it all boils down to the fact that at times, there was still a teeny weeny bit of holding back going on. If I'd have gone that bit slower, paused a bit more longer between sentences, and used more DD, I would have felt less comfortable - but that's exactly what I intended to and needed to do. I should have allowed myself to feel those feelings of uncomfortability (I need to keep reminding myself of that one :-). So, John.........I'm now putting my intention for our next call, whenever that is, here and now in black and white: ie. to use deliberately dysfluency a lot more, to go that bit slower and pause for longer between phrases, when I need to. And I give you permission to pull me up on this, if I start rabbiting on too fast! Hazel (also known as Talktalk!)