[ Contents | Search | Reply | Next | Previous | Up ]
From: Allene Higgins
Date: 13 Oct 2006
Time: 09:09:43 -0500
Remote Name: 70.249.60.212
My Ch-Challenges It is like a sharp mmmmmmmmomentary twist of pain that I-I eeeexxxperience again and again throughout eeeveryday uh uh of my life. My own mind is-is an interesting place. I found that it governs my thought, perception, feeling, will, memory, and imagination. In my mind the agonizing of the unscrambled words that’s so hard for me to speak is a difficult path for anyone to grab a handle on. Trying to speak and unscramble words are more like trying to keep the parts-of-speech together. When I am trying to communicate the proper English language, I find it verry d-difficult to get my words out. This is why I really don’t care if my parts-of-speech is correct. Ironically, this is what I am evaluated on when I go for job interviews, the three V’s: visual (appearance), vocal (voice), and verbal (what you say). It’s like having a lump in my esophagus and trying to gasp for air. My head feels like someone is giving me a headlock and I am trying to break away. It is like a roaring of thunder for a brief moment. This is the reason I try to hurry up and speak fast or just speak in very petite sentences. The telephone is my worse fear. Whenever the telephone rings, I jump fear of the unknown stutter. I just take a steep breath…and slowly say each syllable if I can. I have to continue trying to unscramble the words and find words that will flow smoothly from my mouth. In this perfect world people expect you to be perfect. So I just have to keep struggling to reach per-perfectionist. Strangely to say, the people are always looking for the self-righteous and the picture-perfect-person with an elegant voice. So I have to continue to work hard until I received “my just reward”. I reserved myself in my own silent place fear of saying the wrong word. As I look around me now, my mind is constantly trying to unscramble the words inside my head that will flow out fluently. My special place in my mind is a place that no one knows the difficulty a person who stutters or someone suffering from a learning disorder is struggling with, except a person with the same disorders. As I have observed my struggle in producing speech sounds, using the improper word usage to communicate while trying to understand my own disorders, I escape by putting my thoughts on paper. It’s a ddilemma with no outside disfiguring. I can think okay; what’s wrong with me is just my words. I forget them and I cannot manage them. I have a proclivity of always forgetting the next word or sentence. As a dddyslexia ss-s-stut-t-t-terer, I have to struggle to put a coherent sentence together. Stuttering is saying, “I don’t know” afraid to answer, fearing that people will think I-I aaam on drugs because I am not able to get-get the words out.” It will be so much easier for me to identify with this dddilemma once the world understands the different learning styles. When I am writing, it is like a newfound world; my speech and incorrect punctuation has no barrier; all my words deciphers in my mind just like I want them to. I just picture my mind as a place of glorious possibilities. Suffering from these disorders, I have observed the difficulty of producing speech sounds, using the spoken language to communicate, or understanding what other people are saying. “Some people say I am stupid, but I know that isn’t true. I simply have a challenge a little difference from you each obstacle I take is a victory, enabling me to grow. I’m not really unlike, others—I cry, I laugh, and I smile… Out of good intentions, people are afraid to let me try. But sometimes I just have to cry.”