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From: Prakhar Sachan
Date: 22 Oct 2006
Time: 21:51:54 -0500
Remote Name: 202.141.136.158
Hi Fernan, Thanks for commenting! You ask: >>”My question is, you said that you had used word substitution as an art and put it into full force and manuevered through your blocks, how different is the experience for you of doing this vs. a strict path of non-avoidance and no substitution?”<< Very much different! During word substitution a fear factor is always present. This fear rules every speaking decision that has to be made, and I have to constantly live under that “fear”. You might ask what is this “fear” all about? Well, a combination of many factors, viz, “what if I cannot substitute properly? What if I cannot properly mask my stutter? What if they know that I have a speech impediment? What would I do on words that can't be substituted – such as one's name, address, telephone # etc...” I'm talking from a strict covert viewpoint. Coverts aren't open about their stuttering, and go to lengths masking it, by avoiding, substituting and what not.....They guard their “veil” vehemently. As such a fear is omnipresent. Moreover, more one word substitutes, more one unconsciously conveys and reinforces to his/her mind that this word is hard, and he/she is not adept at speaking it. In other words, he does not trust himself. When there is no belief in oneself, one does not back himself in hectic/difficult speaking scenarios. When one does not back himself, more stutter results. As such, more substitution. As such, more fear. It's a feedback loop, with no terminating condition! :-) Having said all that, for some their stutter is so mild, they can manage perfectly well keeping it under covers. So, what may hold true for me, may not for them. Moreover, non-substitution is a gradual process. One cannot expect that to happen overnight. There are stages to it. You also ask: >>”And when you began living in the moment,did you want to go back to avoiding and substitution? “<< My initial impulse, after so much years of conditioning is still to go back to avoidance and substitution. I have to counter that. This is where remaining true to one's intentions keeps one focused on what he/she exactly wants. As I said before all this is a constant process; it's not an on/off switch. Instead of trying to evaluate oneself from a strict vs non-strict path viewpoint, one must evaluate oneself from how far one has moved forward in one's journey. Which milestone one is on. Always remembering -- It's not the destination...it's the journey there! Hope this answers your question. Good luck! Best regards, Prakhar