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From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 08 Oct 2006
Time: 08:19:40 -0500
Remote Name: 205.188.117.67
Ashley, First of all let me say that "mind over matter" is not simple. For those attempting to change their beliefs and behaviors, it is quite the opposite. Learning to slow down enough to observe one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without judgment but with kindness toward oneself so one wants to continue the process of change, which never runs smoothly but occasions set-backs small and large, requires committment, perseverance, and patience. That said, let me now say that those very activities are central to changing. If a person says they want to change their stuttering behavior, then, in my opinion, this is what is required. How else can change be brought about without self-observation, self-reflection, and the substitution of new beliefs and new behaviors for those which do not support functioning as desired? I know only that if we want to change, we must change. That means thinking differently and acting differently. >> Let me also respond to your concern that I may think stuttering is a "mental defect." Flat out: I don't. I do think one's perceptions of oneself, others, and the world do contribute to the formation of stuttering problems, the maintainance of stuttering problems, and the elimination of stuttering PROBLEMS, not necessarily stuttering itself but the manner of stuttering. In this respect, people with stuttering problems are no different from people without stuttering problems. We all have great difficulty seeing ourselves, others, and the world without some distortion and being as we would most like to be. That is just being human. As we mature, we learn to shed our own perceptual filters that have interferred with our seeing ourselves, others, and the world as is. This, too, takes work, but is there a better use of our time? There is a newly published book I would like to recommend to you by Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche entitled, It's Up to You. The publisher is Shambhala Press. >> And finally, I believe that all of us, people with stuttering problems and people who do not experience stuttering problems, will find more relief from concerns and more genuine delight in ourselves as people and in those around us as we begin the honored practice of knowing our trus selves. Thank you, Ashley, for asking these very basic questions. Kindly and sincerely, Ellen-Marie Silverman