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From: Chris Roach
Date: 10/2/01
Time: 12:58:08 PM
Remote Name: 152.163.197.191
Bernie, thanks for a great provocative question. We hear often that being "open" about our stuttering doesn't necessarily mean we have to be open with everyone, in every circumstance. If we do, we set ourselves up for frequent and perhaps constant feelings of failure and disappointment if reactions weren't always positive, which we know they won't always be -- both from others AND ourselves.
So why not feel it's okay to use "tricks" or avoid openness with our stuttering in interacting with individuals such as retail clerks, a stranger on the elevator, a phone operator, etc.? It would be easy to ignore openness in those "one-time transactions." However, when you stop and think about it, so many, many of our daily interactions are with individuals we'll never meet again, or perhaps only a time or two more. I'm worried if I wasn't open and honest about my stuttering in those numerous interactions, I'd lose the momentum of progress of openness and self-acceptance with "those who count." The fear of the discovery of my stuttering would never go away since I'd still be "feeding that fear" on a daily basis. Most important, I'd lose the opportunity to educate so many people through my example of openness and normalcy, if I denied that to the countless number of people I only encountered once in my life. I'd tend to feel I was living less than an honest life.
Am I open about stuttering all the time? No way! Discretion and perspective is still essential to recognize circumstances that contain consequences for anything less than acceptable fluency. Plus, often we're just too exhausted or distracted, so avoiding it simply feels better. I often compare it to pursuing a healthy life. Intellectually, we know we should eat properly, but darn, banana splits and cheese-burgers sure hit the spot!...just not all the time. Like our stuttering, we should do our best openly with everyone daily, but give ourselves a break ever so often.
Bernie, thanks again for your support and interest.