"I've Got a Secret -- And It's Scaring Me to Death!

[ Contents | Next | Previous | Up ]


Re: Thinking aloud

From: Chris Roach
Date: 10/9/01
Time: 3:12:39 PM
Remote Name: 205.188.192.27

Comments

Dale, thank you for your stimulating thoughts, as well. Personally, the term "covert stutterer" never crossed my mind or my experiences until recent years. The one characteristic that I believe made me unique with my stuttering challenge, compared to chronic stutterers, was my (as well as others in the CS category)capability to speak fluently most of the time, utilizing paraphrasing and substitutions. WHEN I used those tools (or tricks, as we've referred to them) effectively, there was absolutely no correlation to me as a "stutterer" by anyone. I was judged, accepted and viewed as any fluent communicator would be. Conversely, when I did NOT use my avoidance techniques effectively or at all (or was in a situation that I could not control to use them), I stuttered -- and often severely. In the majority of the time, I experienced a negative consequence from an authoritative listener (defined as someone who has power over me or the authority to impact my life - i.e. bosses, clients, etc.), as compared to sypathetic and accepting friends and peers. I believe it was because they routinely witnessed me as a "normal" speaker, therefore, they concurred that my stuttering meant there was a problem (i.e. the old standard stereotyped nervousness, can't handle pressure, wasn't working hard enough on my speech, and so forth). These same individuals, I believe, provide a different standard of expectation and response to an overt, chronic stutterer, based on their perspective that the overt stutterer perhaps "couldn't do better" like I could, because that listener had never witnessed the overt stutterer with prolonged fluency, as they had with me.

Accordingly, I became a "covert stutterer," or one who tried everything to "hide" it due to the consequences I experienced. Overt stutterers certainly feel the same pain of rejection and humiliation that I have, however, I believe I faced a potentially different degree of rejection and humiliation from the listener because I sensed that they "blamed" me for the stuttering because they knew I could "do better." As a result, my fears of exposure grew and grew constantly due to the inevitable negative reaction I knew I would receive -- I always did --when the stuttering surfaced.

Yes, I've been way down there on the spectrum of the avoidance scale, however, the motives and instincts to keep my stuttering "secret" are very, very real, thus, the diagnosis of being a "secret stutterer" has merit to me and many others like me.

Dale, thanks again. Good luck with your continued efforts to help others learn about this crazy disorder!

Chris


Last changed: September 12, 2005