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From: Mike
Date: 10/15/00
Time: 4:42:36 PM
Remote Name: 142.166.253.76
Steve,
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Finally someone has realized what these two stories were about -- and asked the right question!
Steve, I know you by name and a bit by reputation. We've never met, but I'm going to use you as my sounding board -- since you've given me the opportunity. Hope you don't mind....
Stuttering is NOT about pronouncing words, repetitions, blocks, fluency, disfluency, syllables per second, PWS acronyms, data tables, or flow charts. Stuttering is about LIFE, and that's why it's so painful. I realize that the Internet was first conceived as a way for professors to exchange information, but those days are long past. It is now an extremely powerful tool for communication. As an example, for experts, such as those in speech pathology -- cross that out, make it in "stuttering" -- to reach the masses. Masses that only log onto this site because they are desperate for information. If they were not desperate, why would they be here? This forum, thanks to Judy, is doing a wonderful job reaching those affected by the pain of stuttering...I'd like to see it to do more.
You ask about the reluctance of children and teens to talk to you about these "extreme reactions and feelings." The truth is -- they have told you -- you just didn't hear them.
How many children have said to you: "Stuttering is tough at school." or "The guys make fun of me." THAT child is telling you the exact same thing I did in "Loss of Innocence." You just didn't hear the pain or recognise what you had heard. The same for the adolescent who told you, and you've heard this over and over, "I'm shy because of my stuttering." or "It's difficult to meet people." That teen is telling you the same thing, with minor variations, that I told you in "The Rage." SLPs have been told about the "Pain of Stuttering," they just have not always credited what they've been told.
As to sharing these experiences, this pain -- How would they do it? Who would they tell? Who would listen? Who would tell them: "It's just in your imagination!"? Qualified stuttering therapists ( my preference, instead of speech-language pathologist, for what I needed for my problem ) are NOT available in schools. Despite the protestations of those who would say: "Simply go an see the school therapist.", what do you do when there is NO school therapist and, if there was, you would be labeling yourself as a "wimp" if you didn't just "suck it up and get on with life."
Then again, it takes the passage of time to get to the point where you are comfortable with yourself. Where you can look back, in hindsight, and see that you actually did not "die of embarrassment," you were just wounded and wounds heal. But they do leave scars.
Case in point: I'm 57 years old. I've had a successful life and many people have told me that I'm just about "the most positive person they have ever met." I try to be -- it's a hell of a lot easier than moaning and groaning "Woe is me...." But for all of that, "Childhood: the pain of stuttering" is very, very real. I can still remember, and feel, these incidents even after all these years.
And that's my message to all the SLPs visiting this Online Conference. Stuttering is about PAIN -- it's not about WORDS. Please try to keep that in mind when you are dealing with a child who stutters. If they have come to see you, the reason is simple: IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE HURTING!
Steve, sorry if I singled you out. But you gave me the opportunity to put some "humaness" ( is there such a word? :-) ) into this forum. Thank you for giving me this chance by asking just the right question! As for the end of your query... Yes, I have let go. It may not sound like it, but I'm doing just fine! But these stories are what every SLP should keep in mind whenever children or teens approach them for help.
And that's what this conference is all about! Thanks, Steve.
Mike