[Next]
From: J. Scott Yaruss
Date: 10/18/00
Time: 11:02:50 AM
Remote Name: 128.147.90.204
Hi Judy -- Very good question, and I agree with the answers provided by Bob and Ken...
One thing that I would add...something that I stress in both my stuttering class (where this was the topic of discussion just last week) and my counseling class is that we cannot CONVINCE parents to not feel guilty.
Guilt seems to just come with the territory of being a parent, and we can't take it away through persuasion...Education is one key to helping parents overcome their guilt, but we need to provide that education in such a way that we're not trying to persuade the parent.
Rather, I try to first validate their feelings, acknowledging that I understand why they feel the way they do, and letting them know that their feelings are not unusual or out of the ordinary. Then, I try to give them information so that they can come, on their own, to the realization that their child's stuttering is not their fault.
I find that this makes a difference for helping parents take appropriate ownership of what they can do to help, rather than being stuck in what they might have done wrong in the past.
Finally, one thing we need to keep in mind is that many of the recommendations we make about ways parents can help their children may increase guilt if we don't present them in the right way. In other words, if we tell a parent to reduce their speaking rate, they might become concerned that the fast speaking rate might have caused the stuttering. This is delicate, for we need to help them understand (not convince them, but help them understand) that they have power to help the child, but this does not necessarily mean that their prior behavior was what caused the problem in the first place.
One analogy I've used, and I've heard it lots of places, is that of a cast...a child may need a cast if he breaks his arm...it is not the lack of a cast that caused the child to break the arm, but the presence of a cast can help it heal. The parents are like the cast - their slow rate can help the child improve his fluency, but the lack of a slow rate is not to blame for the onset of the stuttering.
Just some thoughts on a very important topic...Thanks for raising it! Scott