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Re: Parental guilt

From: Woody
Date: 10/18/00
Time: 12:29:29 PM
Remote Name: 168.191.31.164

Comments

You have received some wonderful answers already, and I don't have too much to add to what the others have said. But two ideas come to mind. First, we used to have a parents' group therapy session as part of our program in dealing with preschool stutterers, and it was very helpful in a number of ways, including the guilt issue. It is certainly a very common part of the parents' experience, and it is quite relieving to meet and talk with other parents who feel the same way. As with many of life's problems it is important, but not easy, to come to realize that the problem is not your fault. As Scott said, this is necessary but often not sufficient to alleviate guilt. The group process can be additionally helpful.

The second thing I want to mention is very difficult to even bring up, but it needs to be said. The percentage of families in which there is another problem, usually a dark secret problem, is very high. There may have been physical or sexual abuse, alcoholism or addiction, or some form of mental illness. The presence of any **other** serious problem in a family, greatly increases the feelings of guilt that the parents have, and not just the parent with the other problem. The spouse too feels guilty for having allowed the problem to influence the child. These additional serious problems probably don't actually cause stuttering, but they may trigger it and they certainly can exacerbate it. The SLP's role is delicate and constrained by the law. Of course, if you have any real evidence that a child is in danger you must report the facts to legal authorities. But in most cases you simply suspect that there is another problem and the case takes longer than it should. Sometimes, with good counseling skills and/or a good referral, it is possible to bring the other problem out in the open. I have seen this happen only a few times, but the child's stuttering has been greatly improved by the shedding of guilty secrets. Most of the time it remains a background concern that never gets addressed. These problems are very common, and yet we as SLP's receive little or no training on how to recognize them or what to do about them, which I think is a kind of educational scandal. People still want to pretend that these problems don't exist. Sometimes, there is something that the SLP can do. We had one case where there was an alcoholic parent. It was obvious when she brought her son to therapy that she was inebriated. We refused to treat the child until the mother began to address the alcoholism. I am not sure how this case turned out, and we may very well have scared her off, if she wasn't ready to face her addiction, but we wouldn't have been able to do much for the boy anyway, and often, when a parent is faced with a decision like this, it will be the thing that gets him or her to start taking the addiction seriously, maybe not immediately, but eventually. So, it will still be my policy not to treat a child when the parents are actively addicted. Most of these situations have no good outcome, but we can at least try to be part of the solution.


Last changed: September 12, 2005