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From: Ellen-Marie Silverman
Date: 10/18/01
Time: 5:57:27 AM
Remote Name: 172.138.67.190
Part II
Hello, again. I would like to share some additional thoughts with you about the impact of groups on individuals. What I have to say is based on my understanding of transactional analysis theory and practice and my experience living.
I agree: No one is an island. Whether we recognize the fact or not. We are all connected and interdependent. The question concerning indivdual growth and responsibility is: How do I conduct my life to realize my personal contribution to myself and society? I think that is a question of balance each must answer in our own way. For someone who stutters, just as anyone else who feels the need to change their way of being, the challenge becomes, in part: 1) How to change without changing personal relationships and 2) How to change while maintaining long-standing relationships.
Shakespeare said through one of his characters, maybe Polonius, ". . . to they own self be true. . ." And I think that is the driving force behind all stated desire to change one's way of being.
Because we are all so inter-connected, if we change, then those around us will be forever altered as well. There is no escaping that inevitability no matter how hard we try in some instances. So, for the person who stutters, to expect to change speaking patterns and cognitive orientations and to simultaneously live as before is an impossibiity, just as it would be for someone who wanted to lose 50 unwanted pounds. That person would not only look different and feel different but would occasion different responses from family, friends, and acquaintances.
Groups to which we all belong --- family, religious, gender, societal --- place certain expectations on us and, through them, foster aspects of our self-image. The task, and a large one, for the person who wants to change is to choose to expose more and more of one's own authentic self and shed more and more of one's externally imposed, or, in transactional analysis terms --- scripted self.
So, to return to working with people, especially adults who stutter, but older children and teens as well, therapists need to incorporate into their treatment programs ways of helping people "stay the distance" by offering information, especially options, for making life decisions that support the desired and newly emerging way of thinking, feeling, and behaving that participation in therapy is encouraging. I believe speech therapists either need to become trained in some system that provides full support for individuals who wish to change their way of being or to work closely with specialists who can do that for their consumers/clients. Changing from being a person who stutters to being a person who speaks as well as anyone else is a profound process. Unless direction is given to those undertaking this monumental journey, it is not surprising that many would relapse. The pressures and pulls from family, friends, and acquaintances desiring to maintain homeostasis can be too difficult to satisfactorily manage for some, who end up sacrificing their own goals for the sake of "peace." Whether this, of itself, is a good thing or not, is always an individual call. But for therapists not to recognize the very strong influence of groups on each and everyone of us especially when we set out to change the way we live our lives is not to be fully informed about the mechanisms of human change.
Thank you for raising this very valuable issue for consideration.
All good wishes to you,
Sincerely,
Ellen-Marie