Kids Who Stutter
Table of Contents
Why I Wrote this Booklet
An Overview of Stuttering
Ten Tips for Communicating with Someone that Stutters
The Emotional Effects of Stuttering on Children
Helping your Child Cope with Teasing
Seven Tips for Kids that Stutter
My Letter to Kids about Kids Who Stutter
A Stuttering Lawyer?
Book Review: Stuttering: A Life Bound Up in Words by Marty Jezer
Interview with Marty Jezer
Lots of Links:
Fun Stuff for Kids and Teens
Recommended Resources
Current Research and News Stories
Resources for Building a Child's Self-Esteem
Why I Wrote this Booklet
In February of 1914, my great grandmother, six months pregnant with
twins, was hosting a wake in her living room. Her beloved son, Sammy, had tragically died at the tender
age of two. The shock, grief and
stress she was feeling caused her to go into premature labor. She gave birth to my maternal
grandmother Alice, who weighed in at a scrawny 15 ounces, and my great aunt
Katherine, who weighed just over a pound.
The doctor attending the home birth informed my Nana that her
daughters were born with no sucking reflex, and were too weak to survive. Medical science hadn't yet invented the
incubator. The prognosis of her
tiny daughters was indeed grim.
Not willing to bury two more children along with Sammy, my determined
great grandmother wrapped her babies in cotton, and put them in a bread box
near the wood burning stove to keep warm.
Patiently, she fed her struggling daughters her breast milk, using a
tiny eye dropper.
Alice and Kitty survived, but they were afflicted with epilepsy,
and they stuttered horribly. In
school they were teased mercilessly and ostracized, because no one understood
their physical struggles or cared to show them any compassion. Finally, at age 14, they dropped out of
school and went to work full time.
Eventually those plucky girls grew into savvy, successful businesswomen
and self-made millionaires. But my
grandmother was married three times, and my great aunt stayed in a life-long
relationship that was horribly abusive.
I firmly believe that the emotional turmoil of their adult lives was a
direct result of their painful and traumatic childhoods. Their battered self-esteem as
stuttering epileptics caused them to be battered women as adults.
In high school, I had two male friends that stuttered. Recently I had the opportunity to
become reacquainted with one of them, after not seeing or hearing from him
in 27 years. My friend never married, but like my
great aunt and grandmother, he did grow into a super-achiever and a very
successful adult. And like my kin,
he too had a life experience of emotional pain and ostracism from people who didn't
understand his stuttering.
In the 89 years since my grandmother was born and sturggled to
survive, mankind has walked on the moon, mapped the human genome, and has made
huge strides in understanding and curing a variety of diseases. But not much progress has been made in
understanding stuttering, and curing the pain, isolation, and frustration it
causes those who live with it.
In my profound sadness, I determined to do my part in raising
public awareness about this affliction, and how it profoundly affects those who
struggle with it.
It is my deepest wish that your compassion increases along with
your knowledge.
To people that stutter, and to those of you that love them, I
dedicate this little booklet, with my undying respect and affection.
Irene Helen Zundel
December 2003
An Overview of Stuttering
What is stuttering?
Stuttering or
stammering is a speech disorder in which the normal flow of speech
is disrupted. Sounds, syllables or
words are frequently repeated (li-li-like this), or prolonged (lllllike this) . At times there may be
abnormal stoppages (no sound) of sounds and syllables Sometimes an individual who stutters has difficulties in
beginning a word. Stuttering may
also be accompanied by physical tics such as rapid eye blinks, tremors of the
lips and/or jaw or other movements in the face or upper body that occur as the
person is struggling to gain control over their speech. Some situations such as
speaking before a group or talking on the telephone, may make stuttering more
severe. Singing or speaking alone, often improves fluency.
Who stutters?
It is
estimated that over three million Americans stutter. It is a problem that
affects all ages, but is most common in children between the ages of two and
six, who are just beginning to develop speech and language skills. Boys are
three to four times more likely to stutter. Most children outgrow their stuttering. About one percent of adults stutter.
What causes
stuttering?
The causes
of the various kinds of stuttering are unknown at this time, but many
scientists suspect that stuttering may be an inherited trait. The most common form of stuttering is
thought to be developmental in origin.
It occurs when small children who are learning to speak can not fluently
express what they want to
Stuttering occurs while the child is searching for the correct word to
say. This kind of stuttering is
generally outgrown. Some stuttering is neurogenic, meaning it is caused by
signal problems between the brain and the muscles and nerves used in speaking.
Neurogenic stuttering can occur after a stroke or other kind of brain injury. A
third kind of stuttering is classified as psychogenic, meaning originating in
the mind or mental activity of the brain, such as thought and reasoning. A
small minority of people who stutter suffer from this type. It is usually found in people with
mental illness, or who have suffered severe mental stress or anguish.
How is
stuttering diagnosed?
Stuttering is generally
diagnosed by a speech-language
pathologist, a professional who is trained to test and treat
individuals with voice, speech and language disorders.. The diagnosis is usually
based on the history of the disorder (when did the problem start, and under
what circumstances did it occur?) and a complete evaluation of the speech and
language abilities of the person that stutters. To locate a stuttering
specialist in your area, visit this link:
http://www.stutteringspecialists.org/specialists_list.html.
When should I
take my child to a professional for an evaluation?
Here are
some warning indicators that your child may be developing a stutter:
·
Repetition of a sound
in a word five or more times (b-b-b-b-b-b-bat)
·
Insertion of the "uh" sound in a word
(buh-buh-buh-buh-bat)
·
Prolongation of sounds (shhhhhhhhare)
·
Self-consciousness, tension, irritation, frustration, or
embarrassment when trying to talk
·
Physical signs of struggle when speaking, such as facial tics,
upper body movements, rapid blinking, or foot stomping
·
Difficulty in speaking for three months or more
Source: Look Who's Talking:How to
Enhance your Child's Language Development Starting at Birth
by
Speech-Language Pathologist Laura Dyer, Meadowbrrok Press, 2004
Can stuttering
be cured? How is it treated?
There are
many therapies available that may improve stuttering, but at the present time
there is no cure. In treating
cases of developmental stuttering, therapy generally involves helping the
parents to restructure the child's speaking environment to reduce episodes of
stuttering. Suggestions often include providing a relaxed speaking environment
with few distractions, practicing attentive listening, and refraining from
being critical about the child's disfluencies. For other types of stuttering, medication may be prescribed,
or electronic devices may be used to improve fluency. Some therapies focus on relearning how to speak, or in
unlearning faulty ways of speaking.
To find the best course of action, it is best to consult with a
competent speech and language pathologist.
Sources : http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/voice/stutter.asp
and http://www.stutteringhelp.org/br_htr.htm
Speech-Language
Pathologist and author Laura Dyer http://littlelanguage.com/
Ten Tips for Communicating with Someone Who Stutters
·
Resist the temptation to finish sentences or supply missing words.
·
Don't say "Relax," "Slow down" or "Take a
breath." Such coaching can be
seen as patronizing to a person that stutters---and such advice doesn't really
work.
·
Try not to look embarrassed.
Maintain eye contact during the conversation.
·
Be patient and allow the person to finish speaking.
·
Use a moderate pace when you are speaking, and allow the
conversation to flow at a natural and relaxed rate.
·
Realize that people who stutter often have difficulty in speaking
on the telephone. Saying hello might take them a while. Be patient when answering the phone.
·
Don't be afraid to say, "I'm sorry, I didn't understand what
you said." Most stutterers
don't mind repeating themselves and appreciate that you were honest. It communicates the message you are
interested in knowing what they said, instead of pretending you understood or
are just guessing.
·
Use the term "person that stutters" rather than
"stutterer." Stuttering
is something people do, it is not who they are. Calling someone a stutterer is
to refer to them in terms of their disability, and this is insensitive. All
human beings are much more than their differences and difficulties!
·
In family or group situations, be sure everyone takes turns
listening and speaking. People
that stutter find it easier to communicate without the distraction of competing
conversations.
·
Ask fewer questions.
It is easier for someone who stutters to communicate if there are fewer
interruptions. Fluency often
improves when the speaker can express their own thoughts in a flowing
manner. Simply acknowledge that
you are listening by making comments throughout the conversation, and let it
progress at a normal pace.
The Emotional Effects of Stuttering on Children
Having a stutter can be a devastating problem for a young child or
a teen. Simple tasks such as saying one's name, answering the telephone, asking
for directions, or ordering a meal can be hugely frustrating or
embarrassing. Making friends and
socializing can be even more awkward and painful. Statistics show 35% of
school-aged kids report they have been teased or bullied at some time. With
children that stutter, that statistic rises to a whopping 82%!
Kids derive their self-esteem from their families, important
authority figures and their peer group.
As they get older, the influence of their peer group increases, along
with their need for social acceptance.
Kids that struggle with stuttering are often ridiculed, marginalized
and/or ostracized resulting in low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and even
depression. Some kids that stutter
retreat into a shell, and become silent and sullen. School work suffers, relationships fall apart, and the world
becomes a place of pain, loneliness, and isolation. Clearly, stuttering isn't just a physical affliction, it is
a social one as well.
The best thing parents can do for a child that stutters is to make
sure they have a strong stuttering identity. That means:
·
having an attitude of acceptance, not shame about the stuttering
·
reinforcing that a child that stutters is not inferior
·
focusing on the child's skills and potential for functioning and
developing socially and
·
emphasizing that a child's dreams, desires, and talents should
determine the focus of their future, not their stuttering.
Children that stutter are normal in every other way. It is detrimental to their spirits to
make them pretend they don't stutter, or spend their lives struggling to hide
the fact that they do. Every human
being has a desire for self-expression and social interaction. The ability to communicate gives us a
sense of self-worth and belonging.
Children who stutter should be encouraged to talk, and never shamed or
silenced!
If a child is taught to accept their stutter, and to communicate
freely in spite of it, they learn to handle their disfluencies. If they are made to feel guilt, shame
or embarrassment, the struggle to hide their stuttering or to communicate
flawlessly actually creates tension and makes matters worse!
Parents, model love and unconditional acceptance towards your
child that stutters. Get them
competent therapy. Involve them,
and yourselves, in stuttering organizations where you can find solace and
encouragement. Work to develop
confidence in your child, and a good sense of self-esteem.
Life for a person that stutters can be difficult sometimes. But with the proper help and
encouragement, it can also be happy and rewarding. Don't despair, don't give up!
Helping your Child Cope with Teasing
Teasing and bullying are
an all too common part of childhood. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation,
it is the biggest school problem for kids ages 8-15, surpassing even alcohol,
drugs, racism, and pre-marital sex.
Having to endure these
hurtful behaviors can make children anxious and fearful, and interfere with
learning and socialization. If ignored, prolonged victimization can leave a
child psychologically scarred.
What exactly is teasing
and bullying? How can children cope if they are being victimized?
Teasing
is:
Using name calling, put-downs, ridicule and annoying actions to the degree that
the person being teased feels sad, angry, upset, or helpless. Tormenting and
harassing are a hostile form of teasing, and may later escalate to bullying.
Bullying is frequent, intentional and
prolonged verbal taunting, name-calling, threats, stealing, and acts of
physical aggression.
Children are generally
teased in ten areas:
·
appearance
·
behavior
·
family
circumstances
·
feelings
·
friends
·
identity
(race, religion, culture or gender)
·
names
·
opinions
·
physical
and mental abilities
·
possessions
Here are ten strategies
you can teach your child that really help:
Self-talk
Don’t react with anger or tears. Mentally assure yourself you can handle
it. Recall something good or special about yourself, or an accomplishment that
you feel proud of. Remember that your opinion of yourself is what is important,
not the opinion of the teaser.
Ignoring it
Make no eye contact or verbal response. Act as though the teaser is invisible.
If possible, walk away.
Sending an "I" message
Make eye contact, speak clearly and politely. Say "I don’t like when
you call me four-eyes and make fun of my glasses. Please stop it." (This
works best in situations when an adult is present and can lend support. Using
this strategy on the playground may cause more teasing.)
Visualizing
Create a mental picture that the words are "bouncing off" you without
causing any harm, or that you are protected by an invisible shield. See the
hurtful comments as disappearing into thin air, or create any other image that
helps you feel unaffected by the teasing.
Reframing the comment
Treat the remark as something positive. Say, "Thanks for noticing my new
glasses." Or "Thanks for your opinion."
Agreeing
Admit that what they are saying is right, in a manner that shows you are
unaffected. "You’re right. I don’t see that well. But the
glasses really do help."
Saying "So?"
It sends the message of "so what?" or "who cares?" Acting
like what a teaser says just doesn’t matter and that it doesn’t
disturb you often causes the teasing to stop. It is no fun for the teaser if
they don’t get a reaction to their efforts.
Responding with a compliment
"I wish I could see as well as you."
Using humor
Laughing or smiling takes the sting out of the mean comments.
Asking for help
Tell a parent, caregiver, or teacher your problem. Often times they can get the
teasing to stop by talking to the bully about their behavior.
For more information,
visit this website:
http://www.easingtheteasing.com
To learn about Easing
the Teasing workshops for parents and teachers, write or e mail:
info@easingtheteasing.com
Judy S. Freedman
P.O. Box 471
Glencoe, IL 60022
Seven
Tips for Kids that Stutter
·
Remember, it's not your fault that you stutter. Don't feel badly that you do it.
·
Don't stop talking!
Like every other person, you are valuable and have interesting things to
say.
·
Don't work so hard at talking. Try and let the words just flow. Stop and go when you need to.
·
Live your dreams!
Stuttering doesn't have to hold you back. Lots of people that stutter have become famous and have done
great things.
·
Stay positive. Remember that your mental attitude gives you the
mental altitude
you
need to soar in life!
·
Don't let people who tease you get you down. Just think to yourself, "Sometimes
I stutter, but that's okay. I'm a
wonderful me, in every way!"
·
Get plugged in.
Connect with other people who stutter. Other kids that stutter can help and encourage you, and you
can do the same for them.
My
Letter to Kids about Kids Who Stutter
Dear
Friends,
My name is
Irene. I don't stutter, but my
grandmother and her twin sister did.
And so did two of my friends in high school. Knowing and loving people that stutter has taught me a lot
of good things. Here are just a
few of them:
People that
stutter are just like you and me.
Stuttering is no big deal.
It is just something people do sometimes. Some kids are clumsy and trip over their own feet. Some kids are forgetful or
"spacey." We all have
our little quirks, and they really don't matter.
Some kids
are mean and tease and bully people that stutter. That is a really awful thing to do. Teasing makes people feel really bad inside. But people that stutter aren't bad or
inferior people. They are just
like you and me. They can be
funny, kind hearted, talented, good athletes, loyal friends, and a million
other nice things. If you know
someone who stutters, don't just see their stuttering, which makes them seem
different than you. Look for all
the ways that they are like you. See
what you have in common with them.
If you are a kid that stutters, don't form your opinion about yourself
based on the bad behavior of ignorant people who tease you. Remember all of your good qualities,
and feel proud of yourself!
Stuttering
can make life hard for a person.
Having a simple converstaion can be difficult or frustrating or even
embarrassing for a person that stutters.
Life is also hard for people in wheelchairs, elderly people that walk
with a cane, or for people that are blind. Did you ever stop and wonder what it would feel like if you
had to struggle every day like some people do? If you stuttered, or were blind, or could barely walk, I bet
you would want people to be patient with you, and even kind or helpful
sometimes. You would know that you couldn't help having the problem that you
struggle with, and that you are doing the best you can. So, the next time you hear someone
stutter, remember: They are doing
the best they can. They can't help that they are struggling to speak. Just be
patient and listen!
People that
stutter don't always speak well, but so what? Do you always hit a home run in baseball? Are your homework papers always
perfect? We all have things that
we do well, and things we aren't very good at. And we all have days when we don't do very well at things we
usually are good at. Life can be sort of up and down sometimes! Perfection isn't possible, and it isn't
even important. People just need
to try their best. And you need to
respect others for doing the best they can. Don't criticize others, cheer them on! They'll do the same for you too.
I dearly
love and respect my family and friends who stutter. They are wonderful people who have made my life rich, happy
and interesting!
Do you know
someone who stutters? Be their
friend. Do you struggle with
stuttering? Be a friend to others.
And don't worry. Things will be
just fine!
Warmest
wishes,
Irene Helen
Zundel
A
Stuttering Lawyer?
The
following article is written by my friend from high school, David Steiner. Despite having a severe stutter, David
actually taught English for two years as a Peace Corps volunteer in Africa,
earned several college degrees, and went on to become a lawyer. That is an awful lot for anyone to
accomplish! But I am especially
proud of my friend because he did all of that on his own. You see, when David was a kid, there
weren't great organizations like Friends and Stutter Buddies to help and
encourage kids and teens. Employers didn't care about being sensitive to
people's struggles. It was darn hard to get a chance to prove oneself in the
job world. Despite all that, David
persisted and succeeded. He
learned to network with other people that stutter. He greatly
improved his speaking skills, and now he actually enjoys giving speeches in
front of big crowds of people!
True, life can sometimes be hard for a person that stutters. But stuttering doesn't have to hold you
back or ruin your life. Like
David, you too can be a self-actualized person that stutters. I hope you are encouraged by his story!
A
LAWYER'S TALE
by David M. Steiner
Last May I addressed a
class on stuttering at Hunter College in New York City taught by Dorothy Ross,
Ph.D. After speaking for about 25 minutes, I threw open the session to Q&A.
One of the student SLP's (Speech-Language Pathologist) asked why in the world
did I choose the law as my profession if I stutter. To truly answer her
question would have taken at least another 25 minutes. One of the skills we
learn in Toastmasters, however, is how to make a long story short. In this
case, very short. I said that all of us who have chosen to do anything in our
lives, and that is all of us, did it for exactly the same reason: It seemed
like a good idea at the time. Fortunately, in my case, a career in the law has
turned out to be richly rewarding.
For the past five years
I have held the title of Assistant Corporation Counsel in the New York City Law
Department, where I was recently promoted to Associate Counsel. The Law
Department, also known as the Office of the Corporation Counsel, is New York
City's office of trial attorneys. We defend the City when it is sued, and argue
for the City when it sues others. Of course, we cannot offer the big salaries
that private firms pay, but other incentives exist. Our lawyers frequently win
public interest awards from bar associations, and the work is always
interesting. We recruit from law schools and public interest job fairs.
I, however, did not come
to the Law Department in the usual way, but via a circuitous route. My college
career, though fun, lacked direction. While an undergraduate at Columbia
University in New York City, I could not decide upon a major until my junior
year, when I decided that I had a knack for Philosophy. As I saw graduation
approaching, I had no idea what to do with myself. I decided to apply for Naval
Officer Candidate School, to which I was initially accepted. On the day that I
was to be sworn in, however, I was told to fill out a set of forms, one of
which asked if I had ever had any kind of therapy. I said that I had had speech
therapy, at which point my swearing in was postponed and my application
ultimately rejected. The Department of the Navy later wrote me saying that
there was no waiver for stuttering.
I ended up applying to
the Peace Corps and, having learned my lesson, never mentioned my stutter
during the application process. The Peace Corps assigned me to teach English in
the West African country of Niger for two years. I then returned home and
entered a masters program at the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy.
Unfortunately, my speech had degenerated significantly during my Peace Corps
years, and my job interviews while I was at Fletcher went poorly. My inability
to find a job was my primary motivation in going to Cornell Law School.
Initially, law school
was a scary experience, to which I eventually habituated myself. When it came
time to look for a job again, however, I had no more luck. I stuttered badly in
my interviews and found myself jobless after graduation. I returned to another
masters program at the Columbia School of International and Public Affairs,
which I had actually started years earlier. My interviews there went no better
and the job placement office banned me from further interviewing, telling me
that I was hurting the school's reputation.
I never
gave up, however, and
eventually landed a volunteer job in the chambers of a federal judge in New
York City, John Walker, cousin of George Bush. With that under my belt, I got a
job offer from Judge Jane Restani on the U.S. Court of International Trade.
During the interview, she asked me if I stuttered, my unconditional affirmative
answer apparently impressed her. I then got a job with Judge Reynaldo Garza on
the Federal Court of Appeals.
My work with the federal
judiciary was followed by a period of joblessness during which I got a masters
in tax law at New York University in order to get more interviews. Once again,
I graduated jobless but eventually I got employment at a small firm through a
friend from the Fletcher School, and then another friend got me a job at the
New York City Law Department.
During my job hunting
ordeal, I received speech therapy and became very involved with Toastmasters
and am now president of my chapter. The Law Department has placed great faith
in my ability to try cases and my speech has greatly improved. Perhaps the most important factor in my coming to terms
with stuttering is my self-actualization as a stutterer. Joining the stuttering
lists, going to NSA (National Stuttering Association) and Speakeasy
conventions, and recently going to the Third World Conference of the
International Fluency Association have all helped to embrace a condition from
which I used to run. While I am not one of those who claim to love their
stutter, I fully acknowledge its presence. As those in the NSA who know me can
attest, I now love giving speeches and relish any opportunity to reach a
podium. Facing one's problems head on is a liberating experience. When things
go wrong, do not despair, the only thing
regrettable about mistakes is the failure to learn from them. Remember, good
judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Book
Review:
Stuttering:
A Life Bound Up in Words
by
Marty Jezer
Stuttering:
A Life Bound Up in Words
Marty
Jezer
Copyright
1997
Small
Pond Press
This book is best described as poignant, real, and hugely
courageous!
I was profoundly moved as I followed the personal odyssey of Marty
Jezer, a man who struggles with a life-long severe stutter, and the impact that
it has on his life, psyche, and human spirit.
Born with a garrulous nature, a love for comedy, and a yearning to
tell jokes, Marty fancied himself a future stand up comic. But those hopes were dashed by the
reality of his "having a handicap in his mouth."
As Marty so eloquently points out throughout his book, stuttering
is more than a speech disorder. It
is a blow to the psyche, and an impediment to the fulfillment of the basic
human need to communicate and to connect with others.
Rather than offering a trite paraphrase, I'll let the author speak
to you in his own, beautifully articulate words:
"People react to stuttered speech differently than they
do to fluent speech. They fidget,
they cover their eyes, they interrupt, they say the word they think you are
trying to say, they give advice, they make faces, they mimic, they laugh, they
look away, they walk away---and the wound cuts deeper. For the child that stutters, and for
the adult whose stuttering has become chronic, speech is not a medium for
communication but a recording of humiliation, a confirmation of ineptitude, an
indication of abnormality, a violation of what everyone else in the world
considers fundamentally human."
With a refreshing and sometimes startling honesty, Mr. Jezer
chronicles his life as a person with a severe stutter. He graciously gives you a front row
seat, and lets you watch his childhood humiliations, the unraveling of romantic
relationships, his angst in being a parent, and even his blackest moments as he
fights to regain the will to live.
As this spell-binding saga unfolds, he also chronicles his quest
for a cure---the numerous forms of speech therapy, psychological counseling,
self-help groups, and even experimental drug therapy--and his arrival at a
final destination of self-acceptance and self-actualization.
Despite the complexity of the phenomenon of stuttering and it's
various treatments, Mr. Jezer manages to keep the the technical aspects light,
informative and understandable.
And in spite of the huge suffering a person that stutters endures, he
avoids being maudlin. This book is
amazingly balanced in its presentation of what stuttering is and how people
that live with it, struggle to survive in the real world.
Are you a person who stutters? Read this book.
You will keenly identify with the author, admire his pluck and cheer at
all his wonderful triumphs.
Are you a fluent person that knows someone that stutters? Read this book. It will help you slip into the skin,
the mind, and the heart of your loved one, and you will
learn so much!
To write the author, and to order a copy of Stuttering: A Life
Bound Up in Words contact:
Small
Pond Press
22
Prospect Street
Brattleboro,
VT 05301
(802)
254-9595
http://www.smallpondpress.com
info@smallpondpress.com
INTERVIEW
WITH MARTY JEZER
Stuttering:
A Life Bound Up in Words
Marty
Jezer
Small
Pond Press, c 1997
Small Pond
Press
22 Prospect
Street
Brattleboro,
VT 05301
(802)
254-9595
http://www.smallpondpress.com
1. As a child growing up, you identified
yourself as a "stutterer", which had a negative impact on your
self-esteem. For example, you were popular, had many friends and were a good
athlete. Yet, if you had a bad day in baseball and struck out, you would think
and feel "I struck out because I am a stutterer and a loser." Later
in life you learned to think of yourself as "a person that stutters."
This is more than a matter of semantics.
Could you
please explain the difference between the two terms, and tell my readers what
impact making that distinction had on your self-image?
On the one
hand, young people need to gain strength and awareness to understand
"sticks and stones..." More important than what others think of you
is what you think of yourself. I was able to ward off the insults of others
when they made fun of my stuttering. But I also knew there was some truth in
what they said. Stuttering was not normal speech. I felt hurt and shame. And I
carried this hurt deep within me. Learning to call myself "a person who
stutters" rather than a "stutterer" can be dismissed as playing
on semantics. But it is a useful lesson, something to keep as part of one's
self-awareness and understanding. Yes, I might be someone who stutters but that
is not the sum total of who I am. I am so many other things as well. I've got
so many positive attributes: Good student, friend, athlete, talented, etc. etc.
Everyone can make a list of his or her own. Once this is understood, has become
part of one's consciousness, the distinction between "stutterer" and
"person who stutters" becomes less important. I know who I am. Being
called "a stutterer" doesn't damage the identity and esteem I've
created for myself, as something more that the disfluent sounds that come out
of my mouth.
2. A very poignant part of your book,
for me, was when you described your fear that your daughter Katherine was
developing a stutter. You were horrified to think that you had passed your
affliction on to her. Yet, when you were confronted with her apparent
disfluencies, you had the emotional strength and presence of mind to react in a
positive manner.
Could you
please describe to parents how you responded to your daughter, and why it is
important to try to keep a "cool head?"
A lot of us
have come to accept our stuttering. We no longer feel shame and no longer think
we have to keep silent lest others see us stutter. But still, most of us fear
having a child who also stutters. This was my great concern when I had my
child. I was worried she would stutter and was apprehensive waiting for her
first words.
It's not
true, as Dr. Wendell Johnson said and, though his influence, many pediatricians
think, that stuttering is caused by the way parents react to normal
developmental disfluency. But it is certain that the reactions of parents and
other adults can make a child's stuttering better or worse. Because of my
participation in stuttering self-help groups, as well as my reading on the
subject, I knew that the best way for an adult to respond to their child's disfluency
is with patience and love, and to not make an issue of it or in any way,
verbally or by facial impression, indicate that he or she might have a problem
or that there is something wrong with the way he or she is speaking.
One day when
my daughter Katie was still learning to speak she started repeating her words.
It was clear indication of stuttering. My heart sank, but because of my
knowledge, I remained calm, didn't take notice of her speech. I also started
speaking slower in response. I was totally devastated, thinking that I had
passed on my stuttering to her. But she was lucky, as was I. This incident
passed. She never stuttered again, and, in fact, is quite a talker -- as a high
school student she even had her own disc jockey show on our local community
radio station.
The important
thing with a child who stutters is not treat it as something shameful or bad;
or something they should feel bad about. If the symptoms continue, have them
evaluated by a speech pathologist trained to work with stuttering. (Most SLPs
have no experienced in this specialized field). But in the home, the way to
help is to monitor your own speech. Slow up, don't interrupt, let them say what
they are going to say, don't draw attention to their disfluency either verbally
or, more important, with facial expressions. It's easier to deal with the
physical manifestations of stuttering. It's much more complicated having to
deal with the psychological impact of stuttering, the feelings of shame and
humiliation.
The feeling
of shame, unlike the reality of the disfluent speech, is a learned behavior, a
result of the child perceiving how the world reacts to his or her disfluent
speech. A patient and loving response can minimize the psychological aspect of
a child's stuttering problem.
3. You spent a large part of your life
in denial about the impact stuttering had on you and your life. Sometimes you
were silent, and participated in social events hanging on the periphery. Other
times you spent huge amounts of time and energy avoiding situations where other
would likely discover that you stutter. For example, you would spend days
studying a girl's schedule and making an elaborate plan to meet her somewhere
"accidentally" so you could ask her for a date. Calling her on the
phone was out of the question, because you almost always stutter on the phone.
Dialing her number was intimidating to you, and produced a lot of anxiety and
fear.
What was it
like for you emotionally to live like that?
Avoidance
behaviors, finding ways to be in the world without speaking, is one of the most
debilitating aspects of stuttering. Events and activities that fluent people
take for granted are exhausting challenges for many of us who stutter. I wasted
so much time worrying and plotting, obsessing, really, on things like having to
make a telephone call. Life was a verbal obstacle course and the barriers often
seemed insurmountable.
When/how did
you get from a place of denial to one of acceptance?
Very
gradually (Rome wasn't built in a day). I did it by observing how others did
it. But people have to find their own way. Some get it out of books, gurus,
motivational speakers. I have always had my eye on the way people I respect
live their lives. I met stutterers who were not ashamed of their stuttering and
tried to 1) emulate them and 2) see their accomplishments as my challenge. In
the self-help movement there are a lot of people who have come to accept
themselves and their stuttering. I kept my eye on them and learned.
What
difference has developing a self-accepting attitude made in your life?
A total
difference. I no longer agonize or even think much of my stuttering. I have to
speak, I do so, without any stressful anticipation. What a relief that is. To
be honest, there are still public speaking situations where the old stress
comes out. E.g., being interviewed on the radio. But that doesn't happen often.
In everyday situations, my speech is not an issue.
4. I really
want to understand children who stutter. Please tell me:
In a general
way, what was daily life like for you as a young child who had a severe
stutter?
On the one
hand life was good. I had friends and did well in school. But there was always
an underlying fear that I would be called upon in class or meet and have to
speak to someone who didn't know I stuttered. That fear was a constant.
How did
stuttering make you think and feel about yourself?
I had
self-esteem and a strong self-identity but it was easily compromised. As long
as I could remain in areas where speaking didn't matter (playing sports,
hanging out with friends in situations where they carried the conversation, in
class where I wasn't expecting to be called on) I felt wonderful. As soon as I
was put in a situation where speech mattered, my esteem plummeted. Instantly,
then I hated myself, hated my speech and hated having to be in social or
challenging situations.
What
behaviors and attitudes did you adopt to help you cope with the pain and
frustration of having a severe stutter?
Denial. As
soon as I felt down I did everything that I could to forget about that
situation. I moved on in order to escape the bad feelings. This was a good short-term
coping mechanism, but I never dealt with the problem and never moved through
the bad feelings. I just tried to put them out of mind.
In the long
run, do you feel these coping mechanisms helped, or did they hinder you?
Hard to say,
I am what I am and one can't go back. I think my tactic of denial worked to get
me through the difficult times. But I carried a lot of baggage into adulthood
that I had to deal with. It would have been good to have someone to talk to, a
counselor or a speech therapist, who was sympathetic to what I was going
through. Best of all would have been a self-help group in which I could havew
talked about my speech to other kids and learned that it was OK to be open
about it.
5. A child who stutters needs a lot of
encouragment and support. Please tell my readers:
What kind of
home environment can a family provide that would lessen the stress levels of a
child that stutters?
What my
parents did right was giving me a lot of support and encouragement for the
things I liked to do and for activities that I did well at. Sports, for one;
and just hanging out with friends. They really encouraged me to have friends.
What they did poorly was model good speaking habits and bring me into their own
discussions about stuttering. Parents should try and slow their speech down,
not so it's artificial but so it's relaxed. They should be patient listeners
and monitor their facial expressions, so as not to convey impatience,
frustration or any other negative feelings. They should role model conversational
speech, not interrupt one another and give everyone time to get in a word or
complete a thought. And parents never never should talk about their child's
stuttering when he or she is in earshot, or in the same room. Hearing them
whisper about it is worse than hearing it. It conveys the idea that stuttering
is so awful it can't be discussed openly. It should be discussed openly with
the child; or if between the parents in a private venue, someplace the child
isn't.
What advice
can you give a teacher who has a stuttering student in her class?
There's a lot
of different opinions on this. I'd go on the on-line discussion group, stutt-l
(access it on the Stuttering Home Page) and ask the question. Certainly, the
teacher ought to be advised and should be asked to have patience, etc. The
Stuttering Foundation of America has good literature on this. The controversial
question is how much pressure to put on the student in oral reading and report.
To not call on a child may be a relief to the child but will make him or her
feel inadequate. To treat the child normally may make class stressful; due to
anxiety about being call on. If possible talk to the child about the topic.